


the in-between

by ftaephoria



Series: they're in love, your honor [1]
Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Mild Language, Not Beta Read, Pining, Pre-debut, Slow Burn, basically I-land rewritten for seungsung, because they're dumb, excessive friendship development, heeseunghoon are stupid and in love, i am very soft for heesungjaywon, i say this is heeseunghoon centric but in reality this is a love letter to the bighit trainees, jake is best friend goals, jay is so so so tired, jungwon just thinks his parents are cute, literally everyone shows up in this, more story centric in the later chapters, tags will be added as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27093058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ftaephoria/pseuds/ftaephoria
Summary: If the Park Sunghoon Effect™ was not already apparent from the beginning, it certainly should have been more obvious the second time Heeseung met a wall during idol training, when he ranked much lower than expected during monthly evaluations after investing too much time in practicing the wrong song. Jay wasn’t able to pull him out of his slump for days, but it only took a few pleading glances from Sunghoon and the promise of free ramyeon for Heeseung to finally emerge from the practice room.This was the decisive moment for Jay; he was perceptive, unlike his two best friends, and he figured it out pretty quickly. He anticipated with dread the amount of pure idiocy he would have to witness from the two of them in the coming years.And boy, there was a lot.or: between the dancing and the training and the cameras, Heeseung and Sunghoon fall in love.
Relationships: Lee Heeseung & Park Jongseong | Jay, Lee Heeseung & Park Sunghoon, Lee Heeseung & Park Sunghoon & Yang Jungwon & Park Jongseong | Jay, Lee Heeseung & Yang Jungwon, Lee Heeseung/Park Sunghoon, Park Sunghoon & Park Jongseong | Jay, Park Sunghoon & Shim Jaeyoon | Jake, Park Sunghoon & Yang Jungwon, Yang Jungwon & Park Jongseong | Jay
Series: they're in love, your honor [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1973239
Comments: 120
Kudos: 295





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> these are the heesunghoon moments that you never saw!
> 
> this fic will chronicle the i-land episodes with a heesunghoon twist~
> 
> please enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of jay's three-year-long migraine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the fluff parade

In hindsight, Heeseung should have known that what he and Sunghoon had was different from the very beginning.

They had first met when Heeseung was at his absolute worst, frustrated from not making the cut to debut and exhausted from overworking himself due to said frustration. 15-year-old Heeseung was angry and sad and two seconds away from falling unconscious when Park Sunghoon skated into his life, all big eyes and round cheeks that still had a little bit of baby fat clinging onto the sides. One dance practice later and Heeseung suddenly had a new dongsaeng like Jay following him around, calling him “hyung” and watching his every move with awe.

Perhaps this was why Heeseung was able to overcome his slump so quickly, especially in comparison to previous brushes with failure. Like when he pulled a muscle weeks into doubling basketball training after losing the championship game, or even the one time he played a game for two days without sleeping after his older brother beat him in a tournament.

(It was safe to say that Heeseung’s coping mechanisms for failure were not exactly...healthy.)

If the Park Sunghoon Effect™ was not already apparent from the beginning, it certainly should have been more obvious the second time Heeseung met a wall during idol training, when he ranked much lower than expected during monthly evaluations after investing too much time in practicing the wrong song. Jay wasn’t able to pull him out of his slump for days, but it only took a few pleading glances from Sunghoon and the promise of free ramyeon for Heeseung to finally emerge from the practice room.

This was the decisive moment for Jay; he was perceptive, unlike his two best friends, and he figured it out pretty quickly. He anticipated with dread the amount of pure idiocy he would have to witness from the two of them in the coming years.

And boy, there was a lot.

-

When BigHit moved to a new building with multiple practice rooms, the trainees preparing to debut no longer shared the rooms with the other trainees. They only saw them in passing, and the members of the then-unnamed group became more distant with the other trainees.

Jay was taking a break when his thoughts wandered to his friends in the debuting group. He wondered how they were doing.

“Hey, Jay.”

Jay looked up before his eyes widened in pleasant surprise.

_Speak of the devil._

“Taehyun! What're you doing here?"

The trainee in question grinned. "I'm taking a break. Just needed to use a breather, you know? And I wanted to see how you guys were doing."

Jay nodded. "It's really been a while. I mean, we're all doing alright. How’s training?”

“Exhausting, you know. We’ve been practicing nonstop.”

Jay smiled lopsidedly. “Yeah, I figured...” His eye caught on something, and his voice trailed off.

Taehyun followed his gaze only to spot Heeseung with another trainee, one he recognized as Sunghoon.

Sunghoon was trying out a move, Heeseung correcting his posture and movements as he danced. Taehyun watched with mild curiosity as Heeseung gently tapped Sunghoon’s arms and shoulders to adjust his position, standing just a little too close for the exchange to be platonic.

“...Are they…”

Jay let out a groan. “They could be if they weren’t so stupid.”

Taehyun looked back to see the two of them pausing their movements to share grins, too lost in their own little world to notice their friends’ stares.

“How long has this...been happening?”

“It’s been six months since Sunghoon joined the company.”

Taehyun could only smile with sympathy, placing a hand on Jay’s shoulder as consolation.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks, I’ll need it.”

-

“Augh, I’m tired,” Jay groaned, stretching his arms. Heeseung stood nearby; the only indication of his exhaustion was the slight slouch in his posture and his heavy breaths.

Near him, Jungwon, a new BigHit trainee whom Jay and Heeseung effectively adopted almost immediately, practically collapsed on the floor, chest heaving. 

“Do you guys practice like this all the time, hyungs?” he panted.

Sunghoon laughed tiredly from where he was leaning against the mirror, supporting himself with one arm. “Definitely not, Heeseung-hyung’s just nervous about this month’s evaluations.”

The boy in question didn’t say anything, but his ears flushed red.

Jungwon tilted his head. “Hyung, why would you be nervous? You always top the ranks anyway.”

The other trainees had to bite back a laugh when Heeseung poked his mouth, trying to tamp down a proud smile.

“He’s nervous because rumor has it that Bang PD is going to personally observe the evaluations himself this time,” Sunghoon chuckled.

Jay nodded, adding, “I heard that BigHit is planning some kind of survival show and they’re looking for trainees to put in.”

Jungwon whipped his head back to Heeseung. “Hyung, you want to join a _survival show_?” It was hard to imagine his sweet, responsible hyung in the rough, competitive environment of idol survival shows, talented as he was.

Heeseung’s gaze turned determined. “Well, the survivors get to debut. I would do anything to get that opportunity, even going on that show.”

“I’m aiming to give it a try, too,” Jay added with a grin. 

“Same here, if I’m good enough,” Sunghoon added wryly.

“Which you are,” Heeseung blurted, giving Sunghoon a look, which Sunghoon responded to with his own.

The two exchanged glances for a moment. Jungwon side-eyed Jay, who suddenly looked very weary.

“Hyung, are they always like this, or-”

“ _Yes,_ ” Jay groaned into his palm.

“Sunghoon likes to doubt himself, so I’m just making sure he remembers how talented he is,” Heeseung said without looking away.

“Not as talented as you are, hyung,” Sunghoon replied, the two continuing their...staring contest? Mental telepathy? Conversational ping-pong? Jungwon had no idea.

“You’re both talented,” Jay snapped, interrupting the two. “Now, come on, let’s get dinner. It’s already getting late.”

The promise of food broke their staring contest as both Heeseung and Sunghoon’s gazes fell on Jay.

“Right, let’s get ramyeon today,” Heeseung said, moving to pack up his things.

“Didn’t we get ramyeon last week?” Jungwon asked. “Not that I mind,” he added hastily.

“I want ramyeon too,” Sunghoon added.

“Of course you do,” Jay muttered.

“All in favor of ramyeon, raise your hands,” Heeseung suggested.

Both Heeseung and Sunghoon raised their hands, shared yet another glance, then turned to the other two trainees.

It only took a few seconds of avoiding Heeseung and Sunghoon’s pleading faces before Jay gave in reluctantly. “Fine, fine, ramyeon it is.”

Heeseung cheered, running towards the door. “Yes! I’m starving. Please pay for us, Jay-ah~”

“Oi!” Jay snapped, leaping up to chase after the older boy. “Why do I have to pay? Aren’t _you_ the oldest?”

Sunghoon laughed, pulling up Jungwon with one arm. “C’mon, Jay, we know you’ll pay for us whether we ask you to or not.”

Jay scoffed in an attempt to hide his reddening ears. “You’re all lucky I actually like you guys.”

“Thanks, Jay-hyung,” Jungwon sang with a dimpled smile.

-

(Taehyun winced when he saw Jay at school the next day, looking like he had gone to hell and back.

“What did they do this time?”

“Heeseung fucking _fed_ Sunghoon ramyeon. You cannot make this shit up, I swear to God.”

Behind Taehyun, Huening Kai overheard and let out a loud cackle.)

-

Jay was just about to step off the train at Gangnam Station when his phone began to buzz incessantly in his pocket.

“Hello?”

“Jay-hyung,” It was Jungwon, sounding urgent. “Uh, how far away are you from the BigHit building?”

“Just got off the subway,” Jay said, raising his voice to be heard among the clamor of other passengers swarming the train landing.

There was a rustle on the other end before Heeseung’s voice suddenly appeared.

“Jay-ah, they’ve posted the results of who’s going to I-Land,” Heeseung spoke impatiently. 

Jungwon’s voice returned to the other end. “Hyung, Heeseung-hyung’s been practically _vibrating_ since he found out they were up. We haven’t looked yet, but for the sake of our sanity, please hurry. Sunghoon-hyung’s barely keeping him still.”

“Oh, shit,” Jay blurted. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be right there.”

He ended the call quickly, shoving his phone into his pocket and breaking into a sprint.

When he reached the building, out of breath, he saw Heeseung, Sunghoon, and Jungwon waiting outside. Heeseung looked like a basket case, appearing far too nervous for someone who was basically a lock (Heeseung himself was the only trainee who didn’t agree). Sunghoon and Jungwon were on either side of him. Sunghoon had his arm around Heeseung’s shoulder and was quietly murmuring what Jay assumed were words of reassurance, while Jungwon stood slightly farther away and was awkwardly patting Heeseung’s arm in an attempt to calm him.

Jungwon was the first to notice Jay, face visibly relaxing. “Hyung, you’re here,” he breathed, sounding impossibly relieved.

“Yeah, ran all the way over,” Jay panted, leaning against a wall to catch his breath. “Is he,” he made a gesture towards Heeseung, “is he okay?”

Jungwon made a face. “Let’s just...go see the results, hyung.”

The four of them made their way to the postings, Sunghoon gently coaxing Heeseung on the way.

When they approached the board, Heeseung screwed his eyes shut. “Oh God, I can’t look,” he groaned. 

Jay rolled his eyes. “What are you so nervous about? I’m sure you’re gonna get in…”

His voice trailed off as he stared at the board.

_Lee Heeseung. Park Sunghoon. Park Jongseong. Yang Jungwon._

“Holy shit,” Jay blurted. Next to him, Jungwon’s mouth dropped.

“We all got in,” Sunghoon whispered, before turning and shaking Heeseung. “Hyung, look! We all got in!”

Heeseung opened his eyes hesitantly, focusing his gaze on his names. Slowly, a look of disbelief crossed his face, before he suddenly turned his head away.

Sunghoon peered closer at him. “Hyung, are you...crying?”

Heeseung turned to look at them, eyes shiny, before a blinding smile broke across his face and he pulled the four of them into a hug.

“I’m so happy,” Heeseung whispered, the words barely making it around the lump in his throat.

Jay and Jungwon let out cheers, tightening their embrace with loud, celebratory laughter. In the background, he vaguely heard people call out their congratulations, patting him on the shoulder. Heeseung barely registered the world around him, too excited by the fact that he was _finally_ one step closer to debut.

Distracted by the embrace of his friends and the elation shooting through his body, Heeseung almost didn’t notice Sunghoon pressing his nose against his temple, whispering a small “ _Congratulations, hyung,_ ” that left tingles down his spine.

-

The year that followed was a complete blur. Between transferring to Belift, preparing performances, and receiving media training, Heeseung barely had time to catch his breath.

He saw Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon less often as well. Since Heeseung had decided to prepare a solo piece, Jay and Sunghoon were working together, and Jungwon had decided to form a trio with some friends from Belift, the four of them rarely found time to spend with one another.

Which was why the profile shooting was the _perfect_ excuse for Heeseung to finally hang out with his friends.

When he arrived at the shooting location, he was immediately whisked into a chair, hair and makeup noonas immediately rushing in to fix his hair and do his face. Heeseung was a little surprised to see cameramen wandering the area, filming the different trainees as they got ready.

After Heeseung got his hair and makeup done and put on the outfit, he was invited to sit on the side until it was his turn. However, he couldn’t fully relax, not with the cameras all ready to film him from all directions.

“Hyung?”

Heeseung looked up to see Jungwon, all dolled up and donning the same white shirt, black vest combination that all of the trainees were wearing. He couldn’t help but smile; despite the makeup and the outfit, Jungwon looked as young as when Heeseung had first met him.

“Jungwon!” Heeseung reached out to give the boy a side hug, careful not to ruin their makeup or wrinkle their outfits. “Long time no see.”

Jungwon leaned into the hug. “Hi, Heeseungie-hyung. Have you taken your photos yet?”

“Not yet, I only just finished getting ready.”

Jungwon nodded, looking around at the rush of stylists, trainees, cameramen, and staff all weaving around one another. “They’re running a bit behind. I saw Jay-hyung in the changing room...I think Sunghoonie-hyung is wrapping up his shoot right now.”

“Sunghoon is here now?” Heeseung perked up at the mention of his name, which Jungwon did not miss.

“Yep, and he looks even more handsome than usual,” Jungwon winked.

Heeseung sent Jungwon a look, eyes narrowed. 

Jungwon looked up innocently, before his eyes lit up. “Speak of the devil.”

“Hi, Heeseung-hyung.”

Heeseung looked up and almost did a double-take.

Sunghoon stood in front of him, a look of surprise on his face. The stylist noonas had carefully parted his hair, the black strands framing his face. Sunghoon’s makeup was tastefully applied, his cheekbones glowing under the bright light of the studio and his lips painted a coral pink.

In other words, Heeseung was staring at a goddamn _angel._

The two stood there in silence, Jungwon looking curiously between them, before Sunghoon tried again.

“Uh, hyung…?”

“You look really handsome,” Heeseung blurted.

A rosy blush spread over Sunghoon’s cheeks at the sudden compliment.

“You...you look really handsome too, hyung,” he replied quietly.

The two of them once again fell silent, both boys too embarrassed to continue the conversation further.

Heeseung cursed internally. _You haven’t seen him for weeks, and the first thing you tell him is how handsome he is?_

“Uh-”

“Lee Heeseung? It’s your turn,” someone called. 

Heeseung sighed, a little annoyed at the interruption, before turning back to Sunghoon. 

“Um, if it’s alright with you two, would you mind waiting for me and Jay? I thought we might be able to go out to eat together since we haven’t seen each other in a while.”

“Sure,” Jungwon said cheerfully, sending him a dimpled smile. “It’ll be fun to eat with you hyungs again.”

Sunghoon nodded in agreement, still staring at Heeseung with an indecipherable look on his face, making his ears heat up at the attention.

“I’ll let Jay know when I see him,” Heeseung said. “I’ll meet you guys at the entrance?”

“Sure,” Sunghoon smiled, which, considering his appearance, only served to make Heeseung even more flustered. “See you soon, hyung.”

Heeseung ended up holding up the photo shoot for a couple of minutes in order to get the blush off of his face.

-

(As the four of them walked towards the restaurant they always frequented, Jungwon leaned a little closer to Jay.

“Hyung,” he murmured quietly, a hint of exasperation in his voice. “About Heeseung-hyung and Sunghoon-hyung...I think I understand how you feel now.”

Jay tried–and failed–to suppress a snort.

"You know, I wonder if I-Land will be the final push."

"...Nah, probably not.")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it will not be this cute the whole way through


	2. the abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things have to get worse before they can get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW um the angst will hit you like a truck. don't say i didn't warn you.

Today was D-Day. The first day of shooting I-Land.

Heeseung knew that he should have looked more nervous, walking up alone to the towering I-Land building with nothing but a backpack, but he was really more excited than anything else. This was what he had worked so hard for, the next step on his journey to debut, and he just had to keep pushing through.

As the doors swung open, Heeseung noticed out of the corner of his eye the different cameras all swiveling to face him, catching his every movement and expression. Though the producers had explained that they would turn off after a certain time at night and didn’t put any cameras near the showers or changing rooms, Heeseung began to feel a little on edge. He had never been a big fan of getting filmed, but he supposed he would have to get used to it over the next few months.

As he walked down the well-lit hallways, he was careful not to make any extra noise, all too aware of the voice pack strapped to his waist. Anything he said could be caught, trimmed, and edited to be projected on national TV, and Heeseung was not about to let anything possibly incriminating get shown to the world.

When he stepped on the moving platform, he narrowly held back a noise of surprise. There were already a number of trainees waiting on the other side, all muttering quietly among themselves. Despite the fact that most of them had already been acquainted, having met at rehearsals and meetings at Belift, the producers had asked them to act as if they didn’t know one another.

Any instructions the producers had given Heeseung, however, flew out the window when he spotted Jay and Sunghoon in the corner. After introducing himself, he found himself gravitating towards the corner where they sat, opting to sit down slightly away from them just in case they decided to pretend to be strangers.

This thought was quickly crossed out when Jay leaned over, tapping his shoulder far too awkwardly to be natural. Heeseung took the initiative to clasp his hand, giving him a short bro-hug.

“Long time no see, hyung,” Jay said.

 _Liar, we literally ate with each other yesterday_ , Heeseung wanted to say.

Instead, he responded with a bright grin. “It’s been so long!” he lied through his teeth.

Sunghoon leaned back to look around Jay, meeting Heeseung’s eyes with a shy smile. 

“Ah, Sunghoon-ah,” Heeseung found himself saying as he reached out to grasp Sunghoon’s fingers with a fond smile, the movement most definitely more familiar than what the producers probably wanted. 

Sunghoon’s responding smile was bright, and they found themselves swinging their linked hands together for a little longer than was probably necessary until Jay interrupted them with a nudge and a pointed glance.

However, even as Heeseung found himself wrapped up in conversation with some of the other trainees, he could still feel the coolness of Sunghoon’s palm pressed against his.

-

When it came time for the performances, Heeseung could feel his excitement building. Both Jay and Sunghoon had refused to tell him about their performance, opting to keep it a surprise for when they had to perform.

“We’ll only show it to you when it’s perfect,” Jay had declared.

“But I’m sure you guys have it down anyways, you’re both such good dancers,” Heeseung wheedled.

“No means no, hyung,” Sunghoon laughed.

It was safe to say that Heeseung was especially looking forward to their performance, so when the first bars of “7th Sense” began to play from the loudspeakers, he had to stifle a laugh.

_I can’t believe we decided to use songs from the same group._

However, his amusement quickly dissipated as Sunghoon and Jay began to dance, their movements controlled and powerful against the dramatic backlight. Heeseung had to applaud them; they really had improved so much since the last time he had seen them properly dancing. 

Jay began the song by rapping, and Heeseung was fully prepared to judge the performance as fairly as possible until Sunghoon began to sing.

Sunghoon’s voice was clear and smooth, sending a shiver down Heeseung’s spine. As his friends moved into their set, Heeseung found himself staring fixated at Sunghoon’s frame, watching him execute the body rolls and movements with practiced ease. He vaguely realized that his expression was probably far too fixated to be appropriate for the show, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Then, suddenly, it was over. The announcer asked if Sunghoon should move to I-Land, and then Jay. No matter how distracted Heeseung was while watching the performance, there was no doubt in his mind that his friends deserved to move up. He raised his hand.

-

(As Heeseung walked calmly over to the platform for his own performance, he felt everyone’s gaze follow his movements, as expected. He wasn’t ignorant of the fact that his reputation at BigHit preceded him. 

However, as he turned to face the audience, his eyes automatically searched for Sunghoon. In the brief moment where they made eye contact, Heeseung made sure to tilt his head up just barely.

_Watch me._

And as the first beats started playing and Heeseung began his shuffle across the stage, he had a feeling Sunghoon would.)

-

Heeseung, Sunghoon, Jay, and Jungwon all made it to I-Land with flying colors. Sunghoon and the other trainees had pushed Heeseung to take part 1 for their first test, trusting in him to teach and lead them as he deserved. They had been practicing, distributing parts, and learning the music. Sunghoon thought they had been doing well.

So how did everything go so wrong so _quickly?_

Sunghoon had seen some of the other trainees whispering among themselves and had wondered why Seon was rarely in the room that they shared with Heeseung, but he hadn't realized what was happening until the trainees called a meeting and proceeded to voice their complaints about his best friend.

And _yeah_ , Sunghoon understood somewhat. The BigHit way of training was harsh, prioritizing individual improvement and resilience. For the trainees who had only started training recently, it would be hard to receive and carry out Heeseung's instructions.

However, watching Heeseung’s face gradually crumple under the others’ complaints was enough to make Sunghoon’s stomach churn.

“I saw this coming,” Heeseung finally said, expression carefully neutral; however, Sunghoon could see the hurt in his eyes. “So on the first day, I said ‘I don’t want to be the center’ because I saw this happening. That’s why I said it.”

He could tell that Heeseung was trying especially hard to keep the accusatory bite out of his words, and knew that he was censoring himself for the sake of the camera. Sunghoon could only watch with dismay as Heeseung closed back into himself, seemingly sending himself into the spiral of self-loathing and resentment that he had been in when they first met.

“Personally, I don’t wanna be the center member,” Heeseung finished. And Sunghoon _knew_ he was lying, as did Jay and Jungwon, who both had schooled expressions on their faces, but the lump lodged in his throat prevented him from speaking.

Sunghoon could only watch helplessly when the group decided to switch Ni-ki and Heeseung’s parts, leaving the former looking pleased and the latter disheartened. The meeting wrapped lightheartedly as everyone congratulated Ni-ki, but Sunghoon could only see Heeseung’s blank face as the crowd dispersed.

Afterward, the producers pulled each trainee aside for their individual interviews. Sunghoon happened to get the spot after Heeseung, but as he walked in to replace Heeseung at the stool, his friend refused to meet his eyes.

“How do you feel after that confrontation?” the directors asked, training the camera on him.

And Sunghoon knew he should have said something like, “Well, it is what it is,” or “I’m happy for Ni-ki,” or even something dramatic that the producers would eat up, but all he could think of was Heeseung.

“If I was Heeseung-hyung…” he paused, choosing his words carefully. “He worked so hard for us. As the leader, he taught us the choreography, even though he had to practice too. I would have been devastated.”

The director nodded. “I understand that you two are already friends, yes?”

“Yes, sir.”

“We’re going to be taking some clips from the camera feed, so please refrain from speaking with Heeseung-sshi until after the cameras have shut off for the night.”

Sunghoon had to swallow down the resentful expression that threatened to bloom on his face.

 _You’d prioritize drama in a show over the mental well-being of a trainee?_ was what he wanted to say.

Instead, he nodded, biting his lip.

“Then that’s all, thank you,” the producer said, and Sunghoon walked out to let in the next trainee.

-

“Where’s Heeseung-hyung?” Sunghoon asked quietly, getting ready for bed.

“He’s alone on the first floor,” Seon replied.

“Practicing?”

“No.”

“He’s just sitting there?”

“He wants to be alone.”

That was Heeseung code for _drowning in self-loathing, do not engage._

In other words, a bad sign.

Sunghoon took a look at the clock. It was 11:15; at midnight the cameras would shut off and their voice packs would be disconnected. He wanted to run down immediately, but he knew that doing so would jeopardize his position in the show. Too distracted to focus on anything else, he awkwardly settled on the bed, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be able to sleep. 

When the clock hit midnight, Seon snoring in the bed across from him, Sunghoon quietly crawled out of bed and headed downstairs.

He found Heeseung sitting dazedly on the couches in one of the side rooms, clutching a gray pillow in his arms.

“Heeseung-hyung?”

Heeseung looked up, the blank expression on his face disappearing as he noticed Sunghoon’s approaching figure.

“Sunghoon? What are you doing here?”

Instead of responding, Sunghoon walked closer and wrapped his arms around the older boy.

“The cameras are off, hyung,” he murmured. “You don’t have to hide your expression anymore.”

Though Heeseung’s face was out of Sunghoon’s line of sight, he could feel Heeseung loosen against his hold, and he let out a small, shuddery sigh. They stayed that way for a bit, Sunghoon listening carefully as Heeseung's breaths grew more rapid.

“...I’m sorry I wasn’t a very good leader,” Heeseung finally rasped.

“You were doing fine, hyung,” Sunghoon whispered, tightening his arms around him. “I promise, you were teaching us as well as you could.”

“But-” _I wasn’t good enough. They relied on me, and I failed them. I knew I didn’t deserve this part–_

“Hyung. Stop. I know what you’re thinking, and I’m gonna cut you off right there. Yes, the other trainees aren’t used to the way we trained at BigHit, and to them, it’s hard and uncomfortable. But that does not mean for one second that you didn’t deserve the 1st part. You are more than capable.”

There was a noise from behind them, and Sunghoon turned around to see both Jay and Jungwon worriedly looking at the two of them.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jungwon asked tentatively, Jay behind him.

Heeseung smiled lopsidedly. “I’ve been worse,” he shrugged, but his voice was weak.

Sunghoon looked over at the boy in his arms, only then seeing the redness around Heeseung’s eyes.

The others must have noticed too because Jungwon’s breath hitched and Jay’s expression darkened.

“Those bastards,” Jay hissed. “They didn’t have to gang up on you like that earlier, and now they’ve made you cry. I’m going to give them a piece of my-”

“No, please. Don’t,” Heeseung begged. “I know what they were trying to say. They have good intentions, really, it’s not their fault that my teaching methods were too much for them.”

Jay took one look at Heeseung’s pleading face and relented. “You’re too nice,” he sighed.

Unable to say anything more, Jungwon moved closer, one arm snaking around Heeseung’s waist and the other grabbing Jay’s wrist, to pull them into a group hug. They sat there in silence for a few moments until Heeseung finally broke under the embrace of his friends, beginning to shake with silent sobs.

Sunghoon snuck a look at Jay, who was biting his lip with repressed fury, and Jungwon, whose face was horribly blank. All he could do was tighten his arm around his friend.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t come sooner,” Sunghoon quietly apologized as Heeseung’s sobs subsided.

“Did the producers ask you not to meet Heeseung as well?” Jay asked tiredly.

Both Jungwon and Sunghoon nodded.

Jay hissed a curse in English under his breath. “Of course,” he muttered. 

Heeseung sighed, and when he spoke his voice was rough. “It’s alright,” he murmured. “Thank you for coming down to see me anyway.”

“I would have come down sooner if I knew you were crying, producers be damned,” Sunghoon huffed.

Both Jay and Jungwon nodded furiously.

Heeseung smiled faintly. “I’m glad,” he said, bumping his forehead lightly against Sunghoon’s temple.

 _You guys are all I have,_ is what he didn’t say.

They understood anyway.

-

Things somehow got worse.

Despite all their effort, all their late nights of training and dancing, working their throats raw from singing, the I-Landers only managed to gather a paltry score of 59. Which meant that 6 trainees had to move to Ground.

Heeseung hated it, hated that their work had resulted in failure, hated that they had to wait as each trainee voted, hated that he had to vote trainees out in the first place. 

In an attempt to curb their stress, he, Jay, Sunghoon, and Daniel decided to play darts. While it served to distract him somewhat, there was still a pit of anxiety bubbling in his stomach. It didn’t stop while they decided to get food, nor when Jay and Sunghoon burst into song while making ramyeon. It didn’t leave even when Daniel, with a mischievous smile befitting of the youngest member, decided to pounce on him while he was laying in bed.

Eventually, the trainees ended up gathering in the kitchen and common area, all too nervous to sit alone in their rooms. Jungwon and Daniel decided to film a vlog, hoping to lose some of their nervous energy; at one point they even called Jay over, enthusiastically interviewing him.

However, after they wrapped up their vlog, Jungwon walked over to the kitchen, a troubled expression on his face.

“Jungwonie, are you alright?” Heeseung asked.

Jungwon smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s nothing, hyung,” he said.

It was only when voting results dropped that Heeseung found what was bothering Jungwon.

Heeseung’s carefully neutral face began to disappear with each trainee announced. He knew he had to vote for them, but each decision still hurt him. His heart sank as he watched Daniel get voted off, as Jake and Youngbin’s expressions crumpled.

What completely shattered his neutral facade, however, was the next announcement.

“With 9 votes, Jay.”

It was as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown on Heeseung. He quickly shared glances with Sunghoon and Jungwon, who both looked equally as surprised and terrified as him.

_Did you vote for him?_

_No, did you?_

_No, I didn’t._

With matching expressions of realization and devastation, all three trainees turned to where Jay was sitting.

He didn’t return their glances.

Heeseung sat through the remaining eliminations in a blur, grief and anger clogging up his throat. When the trainees got up to exchange goodbyes and hugs, Heeseung couldn’t stop the furious tears from welling up in his eyes as he approached Jay.

Jay looked at the three of them, a resigned smile on his face.

“Why would you vote for yourself, you fucking _dumbass,_ ” Sunghoon hissed, lips trembling.

“There were trainees who did better than me,” was all Jay replied.

Heeseung couldn’t help but feel guilty looking at his friend's half-hearted smile. _If I had helped Jay more–_

“It wasn’t any of you guys’ faults, I promise,” Jay continued, interrupting Heeseung’s thoughts. “I know I could have done better. I’ll just have to improve for next time.” At this, he shared a glance with Jungwon, who looked equal parts despondent and frustrated. “I’ll come back soon.”

They all moved at the same time, tangling together in a group hug that felt far too short.

“Please,” Heeseung sobbed. “If I don’t see you come back next week, I’m never going to forgive you.”

Jay smiled. “Of course.”

Heeseung followed the departing trainees, even as the doorway swung closed. Once they were out of sight, he turned back, scrubbing a palm over his eyes. Sunghoon gathered him in his arms, a broken expression on his face, as Jungwon pressed a comforting hand to his back. 

“I should have realized,” Jungwon murmured, so quietly Heeseung almost didn’t hear him.

“What do you mean?” Sunghoon asked.

“When we were vlogging,” Jungwon whispered. “Jay mentioned that he was likely going to go to Ground. I thought he was just being pessimistic, but he probably already knew.”

Heeseung huffed out a laugh despite himself. “That idiot, I can’t believe him.”

Jungwon looked up, expression determined. “But he did say that he was going to come back. I’m going to hold him to that promise.”

Heeseung and Sunghoon nodded in agreement.

Above them, the speakers crackled to life. “The remaining I-Landers, please go back to your seats for further instruction.”

The three of them reluctantly broke apart, heading back to their seats to await their next trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeseunghoon centric? what's that? i only know that it's loving the bighit trainees' friendship hours
> 
> this was written before i decided to split up the fic into chapters, so don't expect the next chapter to come this fast, haha
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


	3. the reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the road to debut continues, but without a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, before i begin know that this is a little lighter than last chapter. sorry for making y'all cry haha
> 
> also ??? can we TALK about enhypen's debut trailer????? i'm so hyped holy shit
> 
> please enjoy!

Things at I-Land, Heeseung realized, moved _really_ fast. So fast that even a short break felt like a vacation.

The I-Landers had only half an hour to right themselves before the trainees from Ground would arrive. Heeseung used the time to head to the bathroom, splashing water on his face in an attempt to will away the redness from his eyes.

Sunghoon was waiting for him as he stepped out of the bathroom, looking more relaxed. Since the producers would be focusing on the Grounders, the remaining I-Landers could ease up knowing that they wouldn’t be filmed for the time being.

At least, that’s what Heeseung tried to convince himself when Sunghoon leaned over, pressing his nose against Heeseung’s collarbone. He was about to back away, flustered when Sunghoon let out a small sigh.

“I’m tired,” Sunghoon whispered, his voice still rough from crying.

Heeseung understood. Even though they had only been at I-Land for a week, he had been so busy training and practicing and accommodating to the new space. Now that the trainees had these thirty minutes to themselves, he could remember the exhaustion settled deep into his limbs, the grief still lingering in his chest.

“We’ll get through this,” Heeseung replied, putting in as much hope as he could muster into his voice.

“...I miss Jay, and Jake, and the others,” Sunghoon said, even quieter than before. 

“So do I.”

-

Things sped up once again when the Grounders arrived, looking dazed and lost. The remaining I-Landers welcomed them with open arms, trying to get them accustomed as quickly as possible. 

As was the custom, they were barely given time to settle before their next trial was announced, a teamwork test performing BTS’s “Fire”. 

“I think Heeseungie should take part one,” Seon said. The other trainees voiced their assent, everyone all too happy to give the difficult part to the most talented trainee.

Sunghoon stole a look at his friend. Heeseung’s face was stoic, seemingly recalling last week’s part change. All that pressure was associated with part 1, yet no one was taking Heeseung’s own feelings into consideration.

 _Why isn’t anyone asking_ him _if he’s alright with taking the part?_

Heeseung must have sensed his concern, because he glanced over to meet Sunghoon’s eyes for a brief moment, shooting him a small but reassuring smile.

_It’s okay. I’ll do better this time._

Sunghoon nodded, sending him a small smile in return.

_You’ll do great, hyung._

-

After another long day of practice, Sunghoon stumbled into the Blue Room, planting himself face-first onto Heeseung’s bed.

“I’m exhausted,” he groaned into the sheets.

Heeseung and Jungwon followed after him, both looking worn out as well. Though Heeseung and Jungwon shared the room with Ta-ki, the younger boy was currently practicing with K in one of the side training rooms, leaving the room open for the three of them.

Heeseung collapsed next to Sunghoon, throwing his arm over Sunghoon’s chest. Jungwon perched himself on the bed next to them, slumping into the headboard.

“Training went well today, don’t you think?” Jungwon said with a tired smile.

Heeseung nodded proudly. “Everyone’s doing much better than before. I think we’ll get a really good score this time.”

“All thanks to your leadership, hyung,” Sunghoon said, turning to face Heeseung with a grin.

The producers had been rather disappointed in their performance at the midway check-in. Normally this would have made Heeseung spiral into one of his moods, but he knew he couldn’t do so again. Not when there was so little time, and he was responsible for the fates of eleven other trainees. Besides, the feedback they had received was helpful. It was only natural for Heeseung to follow their requests.

Heeseung laughed shyly. “I really didn’t do anything. The producers were the ones telling us what we needed to do.”

“Yeah, but without your taking initiative we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere,” Sunghoon rebutted. “We’d probably still be awkwardly dancing separated in the studios, and the Grounders would still be anxious about talking to us.” 

Heeseung’s ears burned, both from the compliments and the raw sincerity in Sunghoon’s voice.

“It’s been really nice getting to know the other Grounders,” Jungwon added. “Forcing us all to actually talk with one another worked out really well.”

The former Grounders, now that they had begun to open up, were a group of very sweet, talented trainees that gelled with the I-Landers well. Heeseung ended up getting close with Jaebeom over their shared love for producing, and he saw how close Ta-ki and K already were. He knew that Jungwon was happy to see his former teammates rejoining him, EJ was very sweet under his shy exterior, and Sunoo’s sunny presence lit up the dorm.

He saw Jungwon’s mouth form into a little pout. “But since we’ve been spending so much time as a whole group, I haven’t been able to spend time with just you guys, which sucks.”

At this, both Heeseung and Sunghoon burst into endeared laughter.

“Come here,” Heeseung giggled, reaching out to drag Jungwon towards his bed. Jungwon landed between them, his limbs flopping on top of Sunghoon’s and Heeseung’s bodies.

Jungwon curled into their arms, nuzzling into the fabric of Heeseung’s sweatshirt. “I missed this,” he sighed.

“You’re so spoiled,” Sunghoon snorted but curled an arm around him anyway. “Remember that period where we didn’t even see each other’s faces for almost two weeks?”

“Don’t remind me,” Jungwon groaned, his exhaustion causing him to be more honest compared to his usual, reserved self. “I missed my cuddles.”

Heeseung’s bark of laughter quickly turned into a yawn. “Well, you’re gonna get a lot now, because I’m so tired I don’t think I can move.”

The others nodded lethargically in agreement.

The last thing Heeseung remembered was Sunghoon’s eyes on them, fond and affectionate, before he dropped off to sleep.

-

(“Guys, guys,” Ta-ki exclaimed, running into the common room.

K looked up immediately, always the first to respond to the younger Japanese boy. “What’s up, Ta-ki?”

“Come to the Blue Room, you’re gonna wanna see this.”

When the rest of the trainees arrived at the room, they all began to coo quietly.

Jungwon, Heeseung, and Sunghoon were sprawled out on Heeseung’s bed, fast asleep. Jungwon was nestled in the other two trainees’ arms, his hands clenched tightly around the loose ends of their sweatshirts. Heeseung and Sunghoon curled around him, each with an arm around the younger boy. Their other hands were joined on top of Jungwon, fingers laced tightly together.

“I’m going to take a photo,” Sunoo squealed, a smile spreading over his face.

And if the staff saw the pictures in the camera roll later, well, they wouldn’t let anyone else know.)

-

An hour before the performance, Heeseung was fussing around in the bathroom, repeatedly smoothing his hair and ruffling his jacket. Now that he was the leader, the pressure had doubled, and he was struck with a bout of nervousness.

Sunghoon wandered in to take one last look in the mirror, making sure that his hair was parted correctly.

“Hey, Sunghoon,” Heeseung called, adjusting the cuffs of his jacket. “Should I try to shrug off the jacket during the last line? I don’t know, Sunoo suggested it to me because he thought it might be cool.”

Sunghoon thought about Heeseung punching the air, shrugging off a sleeve of his scarlet red jacket before gesturing at the camera like he had practiced during rehearsal, eyes blazing.

_That’d be so hot._

“What?”

Sunghoon belatedly realized he had said his thoughts aloud.

“It was a pun-!” he yelped, face the color of his patterned red shirt. “You know, like fire is hot and all that. You’d-it would look hot, as in, good. You should do it.”

Heeseung nodded, ears crimson. “Okay, I will.”

There was an awkward pause, neither boy sure of how to continue the conversation. 

“Anyways!” Sunghoon finally blurted. “I have to go make sure Jungwon’s ready, or something. I’ll see you later, hyung!”

He left the room as quickly as he could without being too suspicious, leaving a flustered Heeseung staring at his retreating back.

-

Despite Heeseung’s worries, however, the I-Landers managed to pull through and score a 78, almost 20 points more than the first test. Though he was still saddened by the fact that 4 of the trainees would have to leave, he was grateful that there weren’t more than that. Plus, he was very proud of K for receiving the highest score–his hyung deserved it.

However, things were still tense as they waited for votes to be added up. Heeseung was anxious about who would end up moving down. 

“I didn’t do good enough,” he remembered Jungwon murmuring as they headed back to their rooms.

“You did great,” Sunghoon had reassured, draping an arm around his shoulders.

But the nervous look on Jungwon’s face had Heeseung’s stomach churning anyway. And it was pretty clear that K would end up using his exemption card on Ta-ki, should it come to that. Everything was too uncertain.

When the trainees settled back into their chairs to hear the results, the atmosphere was charged with tension. 

“Kim Yoonwon.”

“Kim Taeyong.”

“Kim Sunoo.”

Heeseung winced with each name that was called, avoiding looking at the crestfallen looks on the demoted trainees’ faces.

But then–

“Yang Jungwon.”

_No._

Heeseung’s heart plummeted.

Jungwon’s face was expressionless, almost as if he knew that his elimination was inevitable. The other I-Landers looked shocked, glancing at each other. But Heeseung barely noticed, couldn’t breathe with the pressure settling on his chest.

_Not Jungwon._

Sunghoon sent him a glance from across the circle, fear written over his face. Heeseung wasn’t sure what expression he was making.

“Those are the 4 eliminated members,” the disembodied voice floated from the loudspeakers.

_Anyone but Jungwon._

As Jungwon got up, leaving the chair, Heeseung covered his eyes. He couldn’t watch another friend leave, knew that if he opened his eyes they would be wet. 

“The one who gets the highest individual score gets the elimination exemption card.”

All eyes turned to K. After a long, tense moment, he finally spoke.

“I will use the exemption card.”

Heeseung willed the tears from forming in his eyes.

_Please._

“The person I will use the exemption card on is…”

K paused, looking nervous.

“Yang Jungwon.”

Gratefulness flooded through Heeseung, and he let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding. Across the circle, Sunghoon sighed inaudibly. 

He watched as the card flipped around, as Jungwon was saved from having to move down, as his friend’s face loosened with relief.

“The person that will be sent down to Ground instead is Ta-ki.”

_What?_

The relief on Jungwon’s face was quickly replaced with crushing guilt as Ta-ki stood up, eyes beginning to water. Heeseung watched, heart in his throat, as Jungwon scrubbed a hand over his eyes, and he felt inconceivable guilt at how _relieved_ he still was, that Jungwon was still here, that he wouldn’t lose one of his closest friends. Instead, the person who would lose was—

_K…_

Heeseung glanced at his oldest hyung, who was sitting there, frozen in shock and guilt. Ta-ki burst into tears, and Heeseung could only gently coax him over to K, where he began to sob loudly into the older boy’s shoulder.

Sunghoon moved to stand next to the two as well, and the two of them together tried their best to comfort them as K tearfully spoke to Ta-ki in Japanese.

After a long hug, the two then broke apart so that they could give their farewells to the other trainees. Ta-ki latched onto Heeseung’s arms, his frame suddenly seeming so much smaller.

Jungwon was next to hug him, holding Ta-ki tightly. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled hoarsely.

Ta-ki didn’t respond, throat clogged with sobs, but he patted his back in a show of forgiveness.

As the trainees left, K turned around, whimpers forcing their way out of his throat. Heeseung watched, heart in his throat, as K slumped to the ground and began to weep. The other trainees gathered around him, rubbing his back and touching his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

Heeseung noticed Jungwon standing a little farther back, guilt written all over his face. He tugged Jungwon to the circle, and the rest of the trainees parted to let him through.

Jungwon knelt down next to K, shrinking against his side.

“K-hyung, I’m really sorry,” he murmured, tears blurring his vision.

K turned to look at him, tear tracks still shining on his cheeks, before pulling Jungwon into a hug.

“Don’t be,” he whispered. “This was my decision, and I’ll respect it.”

“But because of me, Ta-ki–”

“Listen,” K said, putting his hands on Jungwon’s shoulders. “Yes, I’m really frustrated that Ta-ki was sent back to Ground. But I chose to save you because I thought your abilities were worth the risk. If you don’t want Ta-ki’s sacrifice to be in vain, then prove that you’re worthy of staying.”

K’s words were blunt, as they usually were, but it seemed to be the right thing to say. Jungwon wiped the tears from his face and nodded, gaze determined.

“I’ll make sure that you won’t regret keeping me, hyung,” he declared.

K smiled.

“That’s what I like to hear.”

-

As the I-Landers waited for the new trainees to arrive, they talked among themselves out of nervous anticipation.

“I wonder who’s going to come,” Seon said.

“Jaeho? Jay?” EJ guessed. Heeseung tried to tamp down the hope bubbling in his throat at the mention of his best friend.

“I hope Jake comes back,” Sunghoon sighed. Heeseung knew that out of all the trainees, Sunghoon had missed his fellow 02’ liner the most.

“I think Jay and Jake will come back,” Jungwon chirped hopefully, giving his two hyungs reassuring smiles.

“The two J’s,” Sunghoon laughed.

“I _really_ hope they all come,” Jungwon murmured to himself.

Suddenly, the doorway began to move. The I-Landers huddled together in anticipation, all chorusing their excitement.

“I’m back!”

Heeseung would recognize that voice anywhere.

And as Jay, Jake, Kyungmin, and Youngbin stepped out of the doorway, Heeseung couldn’t help but let out an excited whoop.

All the I-Landers let out similar screams of excitement, welcoming the former I-Landers with open arms. Laughs and hugs were exchanged all around, the trainees high on the excitement of seeing their friends come back.

After hugging Sunghoon, Jake stepped back, suddenly feeling emotional, and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "It's good to be back," he whispered tearfully.

“Seriously, I missed you,” Sunghoon remarked, an affectionate smile on his face as he moved to wrap his arms around the crying boy.

Meanwhile, Jay was swept into an enthusiastic K’s arms.

“I was waiting for you,” K said. “You’re so late.”

“But Ni-ki didn’t make it,” Jay replied, caught between a laugh and a sob.

“At least I have you back,” K grinned, stepping away. 

Jay was about to ask why he had ended the hug so abruptly when he felt three bodies crash into him.

“You crazy bastard,” Heeseung laughed, throwing his arms around Jay’s shoulders. “I can’t believe it.”

Jay ruffled Jungwon’s hair as the boy’s arms circled his torso. “I told you guys I would come back.”

Sunghoon’s arms reached around to lock the four of them in an embrace. “I’m so happy,” he laughed, the sound clear and bright.

And right then, with the sounds of laughter echoing around the room, the four of them finally reunited and in each other’s arms again, they couldn’t agree more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this chapter instead of my college applications haha
> 
> expect the next chapter sometime next week!


	4. interlude: jungwon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jungwon wakes up from his nap. set in the middle of chapter 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to write this cute little scene because i love jungwon a lot 
> 
> (thanks saafie for bouncing ideas off me)
> 
> enjoy

Jungwon stirred from his nap, blinking sleepily and squinting at the bright lights in his room.

_What time is it..?_

When Jungwon tried to move, he belatedly noticed the arms wrapped around him, preventing him from moving.

He remembered what had just happened an hour or so before. He, Sunghoon and Heeseung had been talking in their room. Then Jungwon mentioned something about...cuddles? His hyungs had pulled him to the bed, laughing, and they had stayed there, just enjoying each other’s company. They must have fallen asleep, he realized, since they were so tired from practice.

Since he didn’t want to wake his hyungs up, he carefully maneuvered himself out of their arms, taking care not to disturb them. It took a few minutes, but he managed to disentangle himself from the mess of limbs surrounding him.

_I’ll just leave them to sleep for a bit longer._

Though, as soon as he took a look at the scene in front of him, it took him all of his willpower not to burst into laughter.

Almost immediately after Jungwon moved himself out of the cuddle pile, his hyungs gravitated towards each other, hands laced together between their chests. Heeseung’s other arm was under Sunghoon’s head, his fingers tangled in Sunghoon’s hair. Sunghoon had moved himself to press his head against Heeseung’s clavicle. Both boys were breathing softly, unaware of their positions.

Jungwon took a moment to observe them fondly before shuffling out of the room and closing the door.

When he stepped into the common room, he spotted the rest of the trainees lounging around on the couches. K was the first to notice Jungwon, sending him a grin from where he was sitting on the couch.

“How was your nap with your parents?” he teased.

Jungwon laughed. It had already become somewhat of a running joke among the trainees that Sunghoon and Heeseung had essentially taken joint custody of Jungwon, never mind the fact that they were only a few years older than him.

“It was good,” Jungwon said, deciding to play along.

“Are they up yet? It’s almost time for dinner,” Seon pointed out.

Jungwon couldn’t help but grin at the thought of his hyungs, still sleeping soundly with their arms tangled around each other. “Nah, they’re still fast asleep. We should let them cuddle for a little longer.”

“Did you say cuddling?” Sunoo blurted, shooting up from his seat, tablet in hand. “I want to see!”

Jungwon quickly ran over to restrain the enthusiastic boy. “Wait, don’t bother them, hyung!”

The boy pouted, fingers fiddling with the volume buttons on the tablet. “Aw, but I wanted more pictures…”

“Let them rest _,_ hyung–wait, what do you mean by _more_ pictures?”

Sunoo had the decency to look a little sheepish. “Well, we actually saw you guys sleeping earlier, and I took some photos.”

“Wait, seriously? I wanna see.”

Sunoo opened the camera app to show Jungwon, who hid a smile behind his hand. Yeah, it was a bit awkward to see himself curled up between Heeseung and Sunghoon, looking uncannily like their kid, but any embarrassment he felt was overpowered by amusement at how damn close his hyungs were, even though they had a barrier in the form of Jungwon between them. 

_I guess they didn’t move that much even after I moved away from them._

K glanced at the photos, at their hands intertwined over Jungwon’s form, at Heeseung’s arm under Sunghoon’s head.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve asked before, but are you _sure_ they’re not dating?”

Jungwon laughed. “Nope. They’re a bit dense.”

“I bet they’ll be dating by the end of I-Land,” Sunoo bet.

Jungwon shook his head. “It’ll take them at least a few months for them to figure it out.”

(And, like usual, he was right.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter's slow-coming, but i'll push it out as soon as i can!


	5. the part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunghoon is torn between what he wants for himself and what he wants for others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! i'll be switching it up with some sunghoon pov.
> 
> please enjoy!

The directors of I-Land were never one to waste time, so the boys hadn’t been reunited for more than 15 minutes before the disembodied voice floated from the speakers once more.

“We’ll reveal the third test for the I-Land and the Ground.”

The I-Landers watched, first with curiosity, then excitement as the third test was revealed to be a unit test. When the vocal unit song was announced to be “Butterfly” by BTS, Jungwon immediately turned to Heeseung with a grin.

“Heeseung-hyungie, it’s time to show off your skills.”

Heeseung nodded, hiding a pleased smile, and Sunghoon had to laugh at how little his reactions to Jungwon’s compliments had changed from all those years ago.

When it came to the dance unit set, though, Sunghoon began to feel excited. He had always felt more confident in his dancing, and the medley seemed really fun to perform.

“Is this for K?” Jungwon asked, grinning.

Sunghoon turned to look at K, who was deep in thought. It was practically a given that K would be one of the representatives since he was easily the most talented dancer in I-Land.

“Wow, this…” Jay murmured. “I want to do it.”

Seeing his friends’ excited faces at the dance, Sunghoon began to feel a little nervous.

The last part of the set was a self-choreographed part. K jumped at the chance to choreograph, bursting into improv with a shout. His infectious energy excited the other I-Landers, who cheered him on with claps and whoops. 

_Am I really talented enough to stand on a unit stage with them?_

The I-Landers were told to distribute parts right then, which was stressful to say the least. 

“Any recommendations for vocal representatives?” Seon asked.

“I want to–!” Sunghoon immediately blurted. The others turned to look at him with curiosity.

“I recommend Jaebeom-hyung, Geonu-hyung, or Heeseungie-hyung,” he finished. 

Heeseung sent him a small, grateful smile.

While Geonu jumped at the chance, declaring his intent to perform well as a vocal representative, Heeseung’s position was left a question.

“It’s hard to choose what he should do,” Jay snorted. 

“Right, he’s good at everything,” Youngbin added.

“Heeseung-hyung should be the vocal representative,” Jungwon said confidently, always the first one to recommend his hyung.

Jay was the first to agree while everyone else murmured their assent, leaving Heeseung as the other vocal representative.

“Heeseung-hyung, say something,” Jay teased.

Heeseung hesitated before putting up his fists and smiling cutely. “Uh, fighting, fighting!”

Sunghoon’s heart squeezed tightly and he forced himself to clench his hands to stop himself from running over and squeezing Heeseung’s cheeks.

With vocal representatives decided, it was onto dance, the category Sunghoon was more interested in. Jay immediately volunteered, looking confident as usual.

“If it’s street dance, then I’m really confident,” he declared. 

The rest of the I-Landers tittered with laughter. “Jay’s back,” K chuckled.

Heeseung, the first one to clown Jay at any moment, laughed the hardest as his friend tried to earnestly make his point.

However, as everyone else agreed to have Jay act as one of the representatives, Sunghoon felt the familiar nervousness seep back into his joints.

_Two spots left._

“I want to recommend K-hyung,” Heeseung blurted. 

That was a no-brainer. The rest of the trainees quickly agreed, everyone familiar with K’s talent both as a choreographer and a dancer.

“K-hyung has to do it no matter what,” Sunghoon admitted.

_One spot._

Sunghoon looked among the rest of the trainees, secretly hoping that Heeseung or Jay would recommend him. 

_If those two affirm my talents, I’d feel much better._

K then spoke up. “In my opinion, we have to dance to a lot of different styles. So I immediately thought we needed Jungwon.”

Sunghoon’s heart sank as the rest of the trainees agreed with K. On one hand, he was so proud of Jungwon, who was looking adorably shocked and pleased at the recommendation. On the other hand, his worries increased tenfold. Sure, they were allowed to switch members at any time, but there was no way in _hell_ Sunghoon was going to steal the part from either of his best friends and realistically he couldn’t take the part from K even if he tried.

_I’ll still practice it, though. Just in case._

The other non-representatives must have been thinking the same. “We can change the representatives in the middle of practice if there’s someone better,” Kyungmin pointed out.

“That’s true,” Jay said. Then, in a voice so quiet Sunghoon could just barely hear it, he murmured, “I think someone might replace me. I bet there will be changes.”

Sunghoon’s heart sank further. He had seen Jay’s confidence dip during the part distribution for “Into the I-Land”, and while Jay appeared the same on the surface, it was clear that he was still affected by that day.

_I won’t take this away from Jay. He deserves it so, so much._

-

Heeseung was waiting outside the production room when Sunghoon finished his interview, and the two walked in silence until they had moved a solid distance away.

“You’re upset about something,” Heeseung said. It wasn’t a question.

_Shit, how is he so perceptive?_

“I thought I hid it pretty well,” Sunghoon murmured.

“You have this face you make when you’re sad about something but don’t want to show it,” Heeseung replied.

“Huh, I can’t believe you noticed.”

“I always notice things when it’s you.”

There was a pregnant pause before Heeseung realized what he had just said.

“I–that sounded weird. Um. You know what I mean,” he hurriedly backtracked, cheeks beginning to flush. “Anyways. You’re avoiding the subject. What’s wrong?”

Sunghoon sighed. “Really, it’s nothing.”

“Is it about the unit representatives? You wanted to be one, right?”

Sunghoon balked. “How did you know?” _Do Jay and Jungwon know?_

“You looked really disappointed after K-hyung volunteered Jungwon as the third representative,” Heeseung pointed out. “But you’re really talented at dancing, so I thought you were going to volunteer yourself.”

“Well… I did think about it,” Sunghoon admitted. “But I would never want to steal the spot from Jay or Jungwon, and I don’t really think I’m good enough to be a dance unit representative anyways.”

Heeseung stopped in the middle of the hallway.

“What are you _talking_ about?”

Sunghoon avoided the look Heeseung sent towards him. “Well. I mean. The current representatives are so talented, so in comparison–”

Heeseung walked forward to squeeze Sunghoon’s cheeks. “Ah, really, you haven’t changed at all, Sunghoonie,” he scolded lightly. “How many times do I have to remind you of how friggin’ talented you are?”

“I–”

“Actually, don’t even finish that. Sunghoonie, you are so talented and you’re absolutely skilled enough to be one of the dance representatives.”

“But–”

“I’ve seen your versatility. You could absolutely wow the judges with your skills.”

“But I don’t want to take a part away from any of my friends,” Sunghoon pouted, his speech a little muffled from the hands pressed against his cheeks.

Heeseung let go of Sunghoon’s face, a conflicted expression on his face. “I mean… me neither. All of you guys are so good at dancing and I wish you all could be representatives.”

_See, if Heeseung feels the same way–_

“But!” he continued, staring straight at Sunghoon. “Everyone also understands that we’ll do whatever it takes to win. So if you end up being better than one of the current representatives, they’ll understand if you switch in.”

Sunghoon nodded, meeting Heeseung’s eyes with a determined gaze. “I’ll work hard and practice. Maybe if I ask Jake he’ll practice with me.”

“That’s the spirit,” Heeseung grinned. “I would help you, but…”

“You’ve got plenty on your plate already, hyung. It’s fine.”

Heeseung nodded. “Still, let me know if I can help somehow.”

Sunghoon smiled and felt his chest warm.

“You already have, hyung.”

-

It was early evening when the door to the practice room swung open, and Sunghoon walked in. 

Heeseung stopped mid-song, looking up from the lyrics on his tablet. “Oh, Sunghoonie. What’s up?”

“I’m here to convince you to take a break,” Sunghoon said, pulling a couple of water bottles and snacks from behind his back.

“Thanks, Sunghoon-ah,” Geonu said, gratefully accepting the food.

Heeseung reached out and dragged Sunghoon over, wrapping his arms around his torso and pressing him flush against his chest. Sunghoon, used to Heeseung’s cuddly tendencies, only leaned back in response, peering curiously at the tablet. Both of them missed the amused and bewildered look that Geonu shot towards them.

“How far have you guys gotten?” Sunghoon asked.

“We’ve learned the whole piece, for the most part,” Geonu said. “It’s really just a matter of memorizing and polishing the choreography.”

Sunghoon nodded. He hadn’t gotten to hear the vocal unit much since he had been focused on the dance set. “Could I hear it?”

Geonu looked up, a little alarmed, rice cake in his mouth. “Um–”

“Never mind, never mind,” Sunghoon quickly blurted. “It’s fine. This is your break, after all.”

“I can sing a little,” Heeseung said. 

“No, really, I–”

“I want to,” Heeseung cut him off with a smile. “This is the fruit of our labor and I want you to be the first to see.”

Sunghoon relented, unable to fight his hyung.

With a few taps, Heeseung opened up the backing track for the song and stood up, preparing himself for the routine. 

_“Amugeotdo saenggakhaji ma…”_

Heeseung’s voice, honey-toned and resonant, washed over Sunghoon, and he had to fight the urge to close his eyes and drown in the music.

Sunghoon was, of course, no stranger to BTS’s discography. And “Butterfly”, with its melancholic, sweet melody, was one of his favorite tracks. As he watched Heeseung expertly dance and sing along to the backing track, he found himself humming along quietly.

By the time the song reached its climax, Sunghoon was freely singing along while Heeseung moved smoothly to the beat. There was something mesmerizing about watching Heeseung dance, how his movements could switch from tight and controlled to gentle and fragile, and Sunghoon couldn’t tear his eyes away.

When the final bars of the song faded away, Sunghoon couldn’t help but clap. “That was beautiful, hyung. You guys did so much in so little time.”

Heeseung blushed. “Thanks, Sunghoonie.”

Geonu turned to Sunghoon. “I’m surprised you aren’t trying for the vocal unit, Sunghoon-ah. Your voice sounds really good.”

Sunghoon laughed, embarrassed. “Ah, I’m not as good as you guys, though. Besides, I’m more confident in my dancing.”

Geonu grinned. “Well, if your solo dancing is as good as your singing, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up taking someone else’s spot.”

Sunghoon half-smiled in response, standing up. “...Well, I don’t want to bother you guys anymore. Good luck with the rest of practice, hyungs.”

“Bye, Sunghoon-ah! Thanks again for the snacks!”

Heeseung echoed Geonu’s words, his eyes never leaving Sunghoon’s retreating figure as he left the room.

-

Around 1 A.M., Sunghoon stirred awake, feeling thirsty and a bit restless. Quietly, he crept out of his room and ambled towards the kitchen. He had just reached for a glass when he heard the sounds of footsteps on the stairwell.

He turned to see an exhausted Heeseung heading up, massaging his throat gently.

“Heeseungie-hyung?”

Heeseung looked up, casting a tired gaze on the other boy. “Oh, Sunghoon. You’re still up too?”

Sunghoon shook his head. “No, I woke up to get some water. What are _you_ doing up this late, hyung?”

“Geonu-hyung and I were practicing. How was practice with Jake?”

“It was fine,” Sunghoon said as he reached for a second glass and tutted. “You shouldn’t overwork yourself, hyung.”

Heeseung sighed, slumping into a chair. “I know, I know. But we have to learn as fast as possible so we can score higher.”

A glass of water slid across the table, arriving in front of Heeseung’s nose. He looked up to see Sunghoon frowning at him.

“You won’t score anything if you sing yourself hoarse, hyung.”

Heeseung took a sip of water, wincing at the reproach in Sunghoon’s voice.

Sunghoon headed around the table to sit down next to Heeseung, draping an arm around his shoulder.

“You’re going to do fine, hyung. I promise.”

Heeseung leaned into Sunghoon’s embrace. “I know, I just want it to be perfect.”

“And it will, hyung. But you have to sleep first.”

Heeseung nodded sleepily and allowed Sunghoon to walk him back to his room.

“Thanks, Sunghoonie,” Heeseung murmured.

“You’re welcome, hyung,” Sunghoon said with a smile. “Good night.”

“Night.”

-

After watching the Grounders dance, the I-Land dance unit gathered in the practice room, training with more vigor. They had been doing well, but Jay had been struggling with one of the turns. 

Maybe it was because he wanted to help Jay with the move. Maybe it was because he missed skating and he wanted to try spinning just for the familiarity of it. Or maybe there was a small, horrible part of him that wanted to show off, to say _Look at me, I can do this._

Whatever the reason, it spurred Sunghoon to attempt the spin, jumping a few more times just to demonstrate.

All three of the representatives turned to stare at him. “Why are you so good at it?” Jungwon asked, a little awed.

“How can you do it so neatly?” Jay added.

“I don’t know,” Sunghoon responded, a little proud. “It’s easy for me.”

But as the practice continued, the representatives breaking off to continue their group rehearsal, Sunghoon didn’t realize that his impromptu spinning had solidified something in K’s mind.

It was only when Seon pulled Sunghoon out of practice, two days before the unit test, that Sunghoon realized what had happened.

“K wants you to be one of the dance representatives and replace Jay,” Seon stated bluntly.

Sunghoon didn’t know what he was expecting when he was dragged to the lounge, but it wasn’t this.

There was a long pause as Sunghoon struggled to collect his thoughts.

“But I…”

_I want to do it so badly. But I couldn’t do that to Jay. Not now._

“Jay will have his own opinion,” he protested weakly.

“Let’s do what the majority wants, since all of our fates are dependent on Jay now,” Seon replied. To Sunghoon’s horror, it seemed that the decision had already been set in stone.

“Well, I’ll leave you to think about it, at least,” Seon said, standing up. Sunghoon was left in the practice room by himself, lost in his thoughts.

Dazedly, he wandered over to the water fountain, where he ran into Heeseung refilling his water bottle.

“Oh, hey Sunghoonie,” Heeseung greeted him cheerfully before taking a closer look at his expression. “Are you...alright?”

Sunghoon could only smile weakly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head, and Heeseung’s face softened.

“Are you sure?”

Sunghoon nodded, unable to speak with the growing lump in his throat.

Heeseung hugged him then, squeezing him briefly. “Well, I’m sure whatever’s happening will end fine. It’ll be okay, Sunghoonie.”

Sunghoon swallowed, pressing his chin against Heeseung’s shoulder.

_I hope so._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger? sort of? i'm pulling an i-land and splitting test 3 into two chapters.
> 
> this chapter isn't really as angsty ... the real stuff comes next week ;)


	6. the dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunghoon feels guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait y'all! election f'ed me up...and then all the new content...i cried over enhypen&hi this morning...we are doing GREAT.
> 
> longer chapter to make up for the wait~ lots of angst ahead, prepare yourself!

After spending about an hour stressing out over the dance unit switch, Sunghoon met up with K and Seon in the practice room, who were still adamantly trying to convince him to switch in.

“You’ve been practicing the most,” Seon pointed out.

“But how do you feel about it?” K asked.

Before Sunghoon could answer, Jay walked into the practice room, and a pit grew in his stomach.

Jay himself was clueless about the situation, nodding hello to his friends and preparing himself for practice. He was happily unaware of the internal war raging inside Sunghoon’s mind, ignorant of the glances that Seon and K exchanged during practice. 

The feeling of guilt worsened when Jay took time after unit practice to coach Sunghoon through the moves that he was having trouble with, patiently demonstrating each move and making sure Sunghoon was executing everything correctly. Sunghoon didn’t feel worthy of receiving his kindness, even though it was just a very Jay thing to do.

_If he knew that I was aiming to take his spot, would he be so eager to teach me?_

-

Later that day, Seon and K gathered the rest of the trainees together.

Seon, as always, got straight to the point. “What has come up is… about changing the dance representative.”

A surprised silence fell over the trainees.

Seon continued. “There was an idea that we should switch Jay out for Sunghoon.”

It was finally out. The band-aid had been ripped off. Seon continued talking, explaining, outlining their next steps. Yet Sunghoon had stopped listening, couldn’t look up for fear of accidentally meeting Jay’s eyes and spotting the hurt in them. He barely registered Jungwon’s mouth dropping open, missed as Heeseung’s gaze on him turned into a look of understanding. If he was being honest, he could barely breathe. 

“...We should see the individual dances and decide quickly.”

Having zoned out throughout the rest of Seon’s speech, Sunghoon quickly rubbed his eyes, pressing them into his skull–as if doing so would somehow reorient him, erase the awful feelings clouding his mind.

“Can you do it?” Jake approached Sunghoon almost immediately, looking excited. “What do you think about it?”

Sunghoon paused, not wanting to dampen his friend’s enthusiasm. Sighing, he messed with his bangs, forcing himself to smile slightly. “If they say so, I can do it.”

Jake, however, understood the tension behind Sunghoon’s half-smile. “Yeah...I know it must be hard,” he muttered quietly. “I’ll root for both of you.”

Sunghoon smiled gratefully, glad Jake knew that he would feel worse if he forced his friend to pick sides.

As Jay got ready to perform, he tried to dispel the tension by joking. “Why are you guys overreacting about this?” he asked teasingly. “It’s not a big deal; if it changes, then it changes.”

Except Sunghoon knew from the tension in Jay’s figure, the way he tied up his hair and the determined look on his face, that it was in fact a very big deal.

As Sunghoon watched Jay dance, he felt coils of anxiety curl up in his stomach. Jay performed with power and conviction. It was clear he really, _really_ wanted to continue in the dance unit. And he was good. Sunghoon almost wondered what K saw in him that he didn’t see in Jay, because as far as he knew Jay was on the same level that he was.

After Jay finished performing, it was Sunghoon’s turn. Sighing, he got up, stretching as he moved to the center. He hadn’t lost some of the tension in his body, and he was pretty sure it was going to negatively impact his performance.

_Well, maybe it’d be better that way, then Jay–_

Just then, he felt a few pairs of eyes on him. First Heeseung, standing in the corner with a look of concentration on his face that was equal parts attractive _(what)_ and nerve-wracking. Jungwon was standing next to him, looking both concerned and excited to be performing with him. And Jay–

Jay was sitting in front of him, gaze locked onto Sunghoon’s form, and when their stares met his eyes sharpened.

_If you don’t do your absolute best against me, I’ll never forgive you._

Sunghoon was good at reading his friends. And despite the veiled threat in his friend’s eyes, despite the anxiety that still pressed against his temple, despite his nervousness at having Heeseung watching him so closely, he could feel himself visibly relax. _“Fighting!” “Let’s get it!” “You can do it!”_

The words floated around him as he prepared to dance. The opening notes of “Rainism” began to play. Sunghoon readied himself to begin dancing–

–and just like that, it was over. 

He slipped out of his haze as the self-choreographed part began and focused his gaze on Jay, who gave him a proud, if a bit begrudging, smile.

_You did well._

Sunghoon tilted his head back at him.

_So did you._

“Shall we vote?” Heeseung asked as the trainees all gathered into a circle.

Upon confirmation from the others, Sunghoon closed his eyes.

-

_{“Yah! You have to do it like this!”_

_Jay sighed for the nth time as he corrected Sunghoon’s movements. It was getting late and they were both tired, but Sunghoon’s moves were getting awfully sloppy and they only had a couple of weeks before shooting for I-Land began._

_Sunghoon repeated the move, this time correctly. However, instead of looking proud at getting the move down, he sank down onto the floor with a defeated sigh._

_“I’m sorry,” he groaned into his palm. “That move wasn’t even hard, but it still took me so long to figure out.”_

_Jay put a consoling hand on his shoulder. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” he reassured. “You were doing it fine before, I was just nitpicking.”_

_“Still, though,” Sunghoon pouted. “Why’d you choose to work with me, anyway? You could easily do a solo piece, or you could have worked with Heeseungie-hyung. I’m sure he’d learn everything much faster than me.”_

_Jay shot him a glare. “Don’t look down on me, Sunghoon-ah. I chose to work with you because you’re my super talented, passionate, hardworking best friend. There’s no one else I’d rather work with.”_

_And though Sunghoon still had his doubts and insecurities, Jay’s words managed to quell them, just a little.)_

-

“...Sunghoonie will join the dance unit.”

Across the circle, Jay sent him a bittersweet smile.

-

Sunghoon was unnaturally tense.

He and Jungwon had time to practice a little after the meeting, but he could barely focus and they didn’t get much done. Jungwon, for his part, seemed excited to be able to dance with Sunghoon, but was also understanding of Sunghoon’s frazzled state.

“We can practice later, hyung,” Jungwon said with a dimpled smile after Sunghoon apologized for his absentmindedness.

God, he needed to talk to Jay, to apologize–but Jay was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t even show up for dinner.

“I think he’s with K-hyung,” Seon had mentioned when Sunghoon asked.

With a sigh, Sunghoon collapsed onto the sofa in the common room. On cue, Heeseung and Jake curled up on either side of him and Jungwon nestled himself on the ground between his legs.

Despite himself, Sunghoon giggled. “What’s this,” he laughed. “It’s like you guys came here immediately.”

“We’re your support group,” Jake said cheerfully, Jungwon nodding in agreement.

“You’ve been having trouble, right?” Heeseung mumbled. “This is what you were worried about earlier.”

Sunghoon nodded, suddenly unable to speak from the growing lump in his throat. He felt a little overwhelmed by the affection from his friends and the comfort he was receiving.

_Do I deserve this? After I took Jay’s spot away from him?_

There was a noise from the stairs, and all four trainees turned to see Jay plodding up the stairs. Heeseung, Jake, and Jungwon stood up, giving Jay a few pats on the back and nods of greeting before leaving the two alone.

Jay settled next to Sunghoon on the couch. Upon closer inspection, it was obvious that he had been crying, his eyes swollen and red.

The two sat there in silence for a moment before Jay finally broke the silence.

“Sunghoon-ah,” he said, voice a little hoarse. “Congratulations.”

And maybe it was the way Jay said it, honest sincerity bleeding into his words, or perhaps his earnest yet envious expression, but Sunghoon couldn’t help but burst into tears.

Immediately, Jay moved over to wrap Sunghoon into a tight hug, arms tight around his shaking form.

“I’m so sorry,” Sunghoon cried, his tears undoubtedly staining the soft cotton of Jay’s t-shirt. 

“What are you sorry for, huh?” Jay said, a comforting smile on his face. “You did really well.”

“But I took your spot,” Sunghoon sobbed.

“Remember what we said in the beginning?” Jay leaned back to meet Sunghoon’s watery gaze. “All of the spots were up for switching. It’s only fair game.”

Sunghoon could only sniffle, finally showing all of the guilt that he had been hiding all week.

Jay rubbed his back in a soothing manner. "Well, didn't you want to be a part of the dance unit?"

"Yes," Sunghoon whispered, allowing himself to be a bit honest.

"Then why are you upset?"

“It's just,” Sunghoon heaved a shuddery sigh, attempting to get his breathing in order. “I knew you wanted to perform, and you were so good, and yet–”

“Then you’ll have to be better than me,” Jay interrupted him. “I don’t wanna be switched around just to lose to Ground.”

Sunghoon smiled a little at that. 

_Jay’s always gonna be Jay, huh._

“Now, come on,” Jay stood up, holding out a hand for Sunghoon. “We don’t have much time so I’ll rehearse with you.”

His impressive demeanor was broken by the grumbling of his stomach.

“–After I have dinner.”

Sunghoon couldn’t help the laugh that tumbled out of his throat. “You skipped, right? I’ll help you make some ramyeon.”

He headed to the kitchen with Jay, heart much lighter than before.

-

(That night, Sunghoon walked to his room to see Heeseung perched on his bed, writing in a notebook.

“Hyung,” he said by way of greeting.

Heeseung looked up and put down the notebook, holding out his arms.

Sunghoon instinctively fell into them, burying himself in the warmth of Heeseung’s sweatshirt.

“I told you everything would work out,” Heeseung whispered.

Sunghoon smiled tiredly. Heeseung smelled faintly of soap and detergent and home.)

-

Time moved quickly at I-Land, and all too soon the day of the test arrived.

Sunghoon stared in the mirror, ruffling his bangs for the third time in five minutes and nervously fidgeting with his outfit.

“You’re nervous,” Jay said from where he was leaning on the counter.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Sunghoon groaned, messing with his jacket.

“Stop that,” Jay snapped, batting his hands away from his zipper and moving to straighten out his collar. “You’re gonna do great, there’s no pressure.”

“You literally just told me that your fate rests on my shoulders a few minutes ago.”

“That was that, and this is this. You’ve practiced so much with me that I’d be surprised if you messed anything up.”

Sunghoon sighed. “How does everyone else look so calm? Seriously, do they ever feel nervous?”

Jay snorted. “K-hyung’s probably the least nervous. Jungwon’s just good at hiding it, and the same probably goes for Geonu-hyung. And have you _seen_ Heeseung-hyung? He’s a nervous wreck.”

“Oh, really?” Sunghoon hadn’t seen him much that day since they both had to practice and get ready.

“Yeah, he’s been practicing nonstop, even during lunch and stuff. Jake said he was so nervous that his voice cracked at one point.”

“He’s overworking himself again,” Sunghoon groaned. “I should talk to him.”

“Yeah, you should,” Jay sighed, before giving him a teasing grin. “He’d always listen to you~”

“And Jungwon,” Sunghoon knew where his friend was going and he did _not_ want to go there today. “Heeseung-hyung would always listen to Jungwon.”

“We’d _all_ listen to Jungwon, that’s not special,” Jay rebutted.

“Anyways!” Sunghoon blurted, ignoring the flush that was spreading on his cheeks at Jay’s implication. “I’m gonna go find him.”

“Have fun,” Jay snorted.

-

It wasn’t hard to find Heeseung. Sunghoon could hear the melody of “Butterfly” from all the way upstairs and followed the song into one of the side practice rooms.

Heeseung was alone inside the room, singing the chorus for the umpteenth time and didn’t stop singing even as Sunghoon stepped inside.

Even as he sang with perfect control and pitch, Sunghoon could hear the beginnings of tension in his throat and could pick up the strain in his voice.

“Hyung, stop,” Sunghoon groaned, holding out a water bottle. “You’re overworking yourself _again._ ”

Heeseung robotically stopped singing to take a sip out of the bottle before opening his mouth to restart the verse.

 _“No,”_ Sunghoon sighed, leaning over to put a hand over his mouth. “Stop, _please_.”

Heeseung moved Sunghoon’s hand away from his mouth, pouting. “I’m fine. Really. Just one more time–”

“No, hyung,” Sunghoon repeated patiently. Strangely, seeing Heeseung so anxious was actually calming him down somewhat. “Your voice is straining, I can hear it. Do you want to lose your voice before you even perform?”

Heeseung looked away, fussing with the ribbon on his sleeve. “I just want it to sound perfect.”

“It does, hyung. Just rest your voice a bit, okay?”

Heeseung sighed, and Sunghoon took that as a noise of agreement. He checked the clock, noting that they had about 15 minutes left before they were scheduled to meet at the lobby. 

“Let’s just rest for a bit before the test begins,” Sunghoon suggested.

Heeseung nodded and settled his head in Sunghoon’s lap, closing his eyes.

Sunghoon stared as Heeseung fell asleep almost immediately, curled up in his lap.

Taking care not to brush his sleeve over Heeseung’s cheek, Sunghoon pressed his hands to his face, letting out a silent scream.

Never mind. He was _not_ calm.

-

“Alright, so we’re going to do a couple takes,” the director announced as the trainees readied themselves for performance. “The first one will be judged by the producers and will be used for your score, while the other is for filming individual fancams. Please make sure that the two cuts are as similar as possible.”

The trainees all nodded, and with a clap from the cue card, the disembodied voice began to float out of the speakers.

“Starting first is I-Land’s vocal unit.”

As they moved to their seats, Sunghoon squeezed Heeseung’s hand briefly.

_You’ll do great, hyung._

Heeseung sent him a small smile before moving onto the stage.

The lights pulsed above them, signifying the start of the stage. Sunghoon readied himself for the performance as he heard the opening chords play.

And then Heeseung opened his mouth and _sang._

From the very first hook, Sunghoon was enraptured. There was no trace of the strain in Heeseung’s voice from earlier, and he moved through the dance with grace and agility. And as he and Geonu harmonized, moving together under the twinkling lights of the stage, their sleeves fluttering in motion, Sunghoon suddenly realized how beautiful Heeseung was.

_Oh boy._

There was no time to dwell on the thought, however, as the stage finished as quickly as it began. The I-Landers performed one more time for the individual cameras before the Grounders performed. 

Sunghoon watched the Grounders’ performance with nervous anticipation. Daniel and Sunoo were really, _really_ good as they performed “Save Me”, and Sunghoon was in awe at their voices.

_But Heeseung-hyung is better._

When they were scored and the I-Landers received an 81 to the Grounders’ 76, Sunghoon felt his chest swell with pride. And as they stood up to give their teammates congratulatory hugs, Sunghoon made sure to squeeze Heeseung especially tightly.

“You did great, hyung,” he mumbled into his ear.

Heeseung didn’t respond, but his eyes crinkled with joy.

-

After watching the Grounders perform their dance routine, it was time for the I-Landers to perform. 

“Fighting,” Heeseung grinned, squeezing his shoulder.

Something stirred inside of Sunghoon, and he leaned in, making sure to speak quietly so the microphone wouldn’t pick up his next words.

_“I’ll show you what I can do.”_

He leaned back, grinned, and headed towards the stage, leaving Heeseung flustered in his seat.

He, K, and Jungwon got into position. The lights flashed, the music started, Jungwon cracked his knuckles, and then they were off.

Despite his pre-performance anxiety, Sunghoon began to enjoy himself as he moved to the beat. Somehow he landed each move flawlessly, and by “One of A Kind” he was smiling freely, completely lost in the rhythm of the music.

 _K-hyung did such a good job on the choreography,_ he thought. _It’s so fun._

Fun. That was the word for it, as he spun and gestured and stepped to the beat. As he grinned to the camera and bobbed his head to the rhythm. Performing was _fun._ Sunghoon didn’t want to stop dancing even as they finished, turning away from the camera.

Behind them, the staff and the other trainees began to applaud. Sunghoon turned to see Geonu wildly cheering and Heeseung clapping with a huge smile on his face.

 _You did amazing,_ he mouthed.

Sunghoon practically glowed under the praise.

The dance unit gathered for a quick group hug, all panting with exertion, and Sunghoon was happy to see that his group mates also had grins on their faces.

“We did great. You guys executed the choreography so well,” K said, fumbling his Korean in his excitement.

Jungwon nodded, the dimples in his cheeks so deep that Sunghoon almost wanted to poke them.

“Great job,” the director called. “We’re going to do one more take for the individual fancams, now. Please get ready.”

Sunghoon grinned, anticipating the thrill of performing one more time.

-

“I-Land wins the Representative Unit Test.”

Sunghoon paused, heart in his throat before he saw Heeseung let out a whoop, leaping up and running over to wrap both K and Sunghoon in tight hugs. Geonu rushed over to Jungwon, who threw himself into the older boy’s arms before the five of them naturally gravitated towards one another in a group hug.

“You did great,” Heeseung laughed. Geonu burst into happy tears, sobbing in their embrace, and K’s eyes began to water. Sunghoon felt his arms tighten around them. 

_We won._

Eventually, the five of them broke apart to greet the Grounders, who were understandably looking disappointed. But even as Sunghoon consoled Sunoo, praised Ni-ki, and hugged Daniel, his mind was elsewhere, and all he could think about was going back to I-Land.

By the time they _finally_ walked back to the doorway, preparing themselves in a victory pose (Heeseung’s idea), Sunghoon was buzzing with anticipation.

They broke out of the pose to watch the rest of the I-Landers crying out _“Hello~”_ with K’s self-choreographed move before all 12 of them let out yells of excitement and launched towards one another.

Sunghoon was pulled into multiple embraces before he found Jay in the throng of people gathered around the front. Jay’s smile was wide and happy and _proud,_ and before Sunghoon could do something stupid like cry or profusely thank him, Jay reached over and grabbed him in a bear hug, 

“You did it, you did it,” he kept repeating into his shoulder. Sunghoon laughed in response, before crying out in surprise as Jay picked him up and swung him around. 

“All of you, get out of my way!” Jay crowed, Sunghoon giggling madly in his arms. The rest of the trainees laughed, Youngbin running over to shower Sunghoon in praises as Jay carted him around the room. As soon as Jay let him go, Jungwon and Heeseung rushed over to grab them in a hug, and the four of them shared a victorious cry.

_We can stay together. We can keep performing._

“One step closer,” Heeseung said, his grin almost blinding.

“One more,” Jungwon echoed with a smile.

Jay sent Sunghoon a prideful grin.

_There’s no one else I’d rather work with._

Yeah. Sunghoon had to agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who knows when my next chapter will be up... but this was a fun chapter to work with! god i love jayhoon's friendship so much ugh
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


	7. the (illusion of) choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heeseung helps jungwon through some hard choices, and wonders when he can make his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can i just say i want to throw this out before be completely destroys me tomorrow
> 
> and regarding dusk/dawn. the tracklist???? enhypen&hi ep 2????? i am so excited for their debut istg
> 
> also, happy one month to the in-between! this has been my longest fic ever, and i'm so grateful to everyone who's joined me so far. enjoy this longer chapter!

For the first time since the beginning of the show, the I-Landers were given a long break before the start of the next test.

“We’re going to be filming the Grounders for the next couple of hours, so feel free to relax before the next test,” the director called.

All 12 trainees breathed a sigh of relief, the crowd dispersing to go to their respective rooms.

“I’m gonna take a nap,” yawned Jungwon, leaning on Sunghoon.

Sunghoon smiled fondly. “I’ll go with him,” he said, gesturing to the sleepy boy. Youngbin, K, and EJ joined them, and they left for the Purple Room together. The other trainees split up to go to their respective rooms, leaving Jay and Heeseung in the lobby.

Jay shot Heeseung a grin. “I don’t know about you,” he said cheerfully, “but I don’t feel that tired.”

“Me neither,” Heeseung replied. “I’m pretty hungry, actually.”

Jay checked the clock. “It’s still another hour before dinner. Wanna grab a snack with me?”

Heeseung nodded in agreement, and the two of them headed up to the kitchen. Jay grabbed some chips while Heeseung opted for taking a few cookies from the cabinet.

“I know I already said this before,” Jay said as they settled on the couch, “but you guys seriously did so well on the unit tests. I knew you guys were going to win as soon as you performed.”

Heeseung laughed shyly at the praise. “Thanks. Really. I’m sorry you couldn’t join us, though.”

Jay waved a hand dismissively. “It’s fine. I’m over it. Besides, Sunghoon killed it out there, so I don’t feel bad about being replaced.”

Heeseung showed a proud smile at that. “He really did.”

_I’ll show you what I can do._

Suddenly, Heeseung recalled Sunghoon’s earlier words, and he found himself flushing.

Jay raised an eyebrow at his sudden embarrassment. “Did something happen while you guys were performing?”

Heeseung buried his head into his hands, his food forgotten.

“...” he mumbled quietly.

“You’re gonna need to speak up, hyung,” Jay smirked, beginning to understand what was happening.

“Sunghoon told me to watch him,” Heeseung mumbled.

“...that's it?”

“I–yeah. It was just the way he said it. I don’t know why I’m like this…”

Oh, Jay definitely knew where this was going.

“Well, how did it feel?”

“...I couldn’t look away from him.”

The straightforward answer took Jay by surprise.

“So you've accepted that you're whipped, but you _still_ don’t realize why you’re like this?”

Heeseung looked rather confused. “Why? Is there something going on?”

Jay resisted the urge to facepalm. “Heeseung-hyung, have you ever considered that you _like_ Sunghoon? Like, as in, a crush?”

Heeseung turned to Jay with an expression between indignation and embarrassment. “What are you talking about?” he asked, his face flushing red.

“Now see, as your wise, experienced best friend of three years and counting–”

“You’ve been single for all three of them, how would you–”

“–Besides the point. Irrelevant. I’ve seen how you look at him and that shit hasn’t been platonic since 2018.”

Heeseung opened his mouth in rebuttal, but they were interrupted by the sounds of slippers shuffling across the floor. They both turned to see Sunghoon entering from the hallway, holding a tablet in his hands and giggling. 

Jay didn’t have to look at Heeseung to know that he was sporting a hopelessly endeared smile, which only grew bigger as Sunghoon spotted them and walked over to them.

“What’re you looking at?” Jay asked curiously, peering at the tablet.

Sunghoon laughed, swiping to the video he had been watching. “Youngbin took a video of Jungwonie while he was sleeping.”

The three of them watched the video and burst into laughter. “Is Jungwonie...popping? In his sleep?” Heeseung chortled.

“He was, it was so funny,” Sunghoon said, eyes twinkling. “And now he’s being a baby and forcing me to get him some water.”

“Better not keep him waiting, then,” Jay snorted. “He gets whiny when he’s sleepy.”

Sunghoon grinned exasperatedly, heading into the pantry and grabbing a bottle of water before cheerfully waving goodbye.

Jay turned to Heeseung, only to see him still staring at where Sunghoon had been.

 _“Cute,”_ Heeseung mumbled.

“...Oi.”

Heeseung jolted out of his daze, only to look away sheepishly when Jay gave him a knowing look.

“Th-that didn’t mean anything,” he stammered.

“Sure, hyung.”

-

When it finally came time to reveal the fourth test, the trainees made their way back to the lobby and settled in the chairs.

“Congratulations to all I-Landers who survived until now,” the disembodied voice spoke.

Everyone broke into proud smiles at that; how could they not, after working so hard?

“From now on, we’ll reveal the fourth test of I-Land.”

Heeseung swallowed nervously.

_Well, whatever the next test is, I’m sure it will be fine. We’ll all make it through–_

The screens flashed with text. 

[The 4th Test: The Final Twelve]

_...Or not._

The room filled with noise, the trainees all loudly expressing their excitement.

“The final 12,” Jungwon repeated, a disbelieving smile on his face.

“Check out the title,” Jay said, looking both nervous and excited.

Sunghoon was quiet, but his eyes were glued to the screen.

“This test will decide the final 12 members. Only those 12 people will go on to the final competition to debut.”

Heeseung’s heart began to hammer. This was what he had been waiting for, what he needed, his next step, but it hurt to know that he wouldn’t be able to move forward with all of his friends.

“Through the choice of the I-Landers, producers, and global votes, we will determine the final 12 people, who will be eligible to continue on the competition for debut.”

Global votes. None of the trainees had considered this before, judging by the shocked looks on everyone’s faces. Some, like Sunghoon, were still visibly reeling from shock; others, like Jaebeom, had neutral faces of resignation.

“The I-Landers who will be eliminated by this test will be 3 by the I-Landers’ choice and another 3 by the producers’ choice. So a total of 6 I-Landers will be eliminated.”

“We have to get rid of 6 of us no matter what?” Sunghoon questioned, horrified.

“The 6 people who get eliminated will have to wait for the global vote with the Grounders.”

A stunned silence fell over the trainees.

“...Then for the Grounders, they can only survive by the global votes?” Jungwon asked slowly.

The silence grew even heavier, everyone feeling sympathy for the Grounders.

“We will now reveal the test song for the Final Twelve test.”

Maybe it was because Heeseung had suddenly been thrust with an overwhelming amount of sobering information, but the voice somehow sounded more severe than before.

The first chords played, and all of the trainees perked up at the name of the song. 

[I&Credible.]

“Is that an original song for us?” Jungwon blurted in excitement. “Not something that existed before?”

The mood lifted significantly as the trainees gawked over the performance, at the assertive lyrics and powerful dance. Heeseung watched as both Jay and Jungwon lit up at part 5 before turning back to consider the rest of the parts.

_Must be nice, to know what part you want and be able to choose it._

Heeseung shook the abnormally bitter thought away. It wasn’t as if he had no agency over his parts, but he really did time and time again find himself with parts that others had given him.

Lost in his thoughts, he failed to register the hum of conversation around him until Seon spoke, his voice loud and authoritative.

“The thing is, this isn’t a test where our team score determines the number of people disqualified, so we should each focus on our strengths and do well.”

_Oh boy. This is going to make assigning parts a real competition._

The part assignment started off a bit slowly. “Part 1 is long,” Jungwon noted.

“But part 1 is hard,” Youngbin pointed out. “They have to dance really well.”

K staked his claim first with a nervous smile. “Well...I haven’t been center yet and looking at the dance, it’s the style I like.”

“K-hyung spoke up about wanting to do part 1,” Seon announced, resuming his role as mediator, “but is there anyone else who wants to do it?”

The trainees exchanged glances, none of them willing to fight the talented dancer for the most difficult part.

Seon tried again. “Then, can those who want to do part 1 raise your hand?”

K immediately raised his with an excited grin. There was a loaded pause before, to everyone’s surprise, Kyungmin slowly raised his hand.

“We’ll take a vote,” Seon spoke, surprise laced in his tone. Kyungmin and K closed their eyes.

Heeseung commended Kyungmin for volunteering; in fact, he was almost a little envious at how the other trainee could fight against the odds for a part he wanted. However, asking him to pick between the two, especially after the last unit test...

_I know for sure K-hyung will do well. I don’t know Kyungmin well enough to say the same._

Most of the other trainees shared the same thoughts. K got the part.

“Next is part 2,” Seon said. “Who wants to do part 2?”

No one raised their hand. Part 2, though not as weighty as part 1, was still quite difficult and had a lot of singing parts.

After a long pause, Heeseung sighed as everyone’s gazes inevitably swiveled towards him. “I can do it,” he volunteered.

Seon’s smile was relieved. “Does anyone else want part 2?”

The other trainees shook their heads. 

“Sounds good. Heeseung will do part 2.”

 _Well, that was quick and painless,_ Heeseung thought as he resigned himself to his part.

The part assignment continued. Heeseung proudly announced Sunghoon as part 3 and Geonu as part 4 before the real competition for part 5 began.

“Next, part 5,” Seon announced.

“Part 5 is important, too,” Sunghoon pointed out, and _oh,_ Heeseung was not going to enjoy this division of parts at all, not when Jay, Jungwon, _and_ Jake all perked up at his words.

“Ah, part 5 is seriously…” Jay mumbled.

“Who wants part 5?” Seon asked.

Heeseung winced internally as Jay, Jungwon, Youngbin, Jake, Jaebeom, and Kyungmin all raised their hands.

_I hate this. I hate deciding between my friends._

But unfortunately, he had no choice. With only 6 people left to vote, he had to make a decision.

_Ugh, I feel bad for thinking this, but it’s gotta be a toss-up between Jungwonie and Jake. I don’t think Jay suits this part as well as those two._

And okay, maybe Heeseung was a little biased when he finally decided to vote for Jungwon.

(Seeing the proud grin on Jungwon’s face as he received part 5, however, made him feel a little better.)

-

That night, Jay flopped onto the couch in the lounge, dragging an equally exhausted Jungwon down with him. 

“I’m so tired,” he groaned.

“I can tell,” Heeseung said, perching on the side of the couch. Sunghoon sank down on the nearby seat, slumping immediately into the cushions.

“I taught at least six other people today,” Jay sighed.

“Thanks for that, by the way,” Jungwon said with a grin before turning to Heeseung. “Jay-hyung learned the moves super fast even though the dance was really hard.”

“And as soon as I learned it, everyone immediately latched onto me, which was a pain. Including you, by the way," Jay complained, pointing to Sunghoon. "When you asked me to teach you in the bathroom I briefly considered the sweet release of death–”

Sunghoon snorted. “Don’t be so dramatic. Jake taught us too, but he’s not complaining.”

“Jake is a kind soul who is too tired to complain.”

“Wait, was it that bad?” Jungwon asked, puppy eyes on full blast. “I didn’t mean to bother you, hyung.”

Jay ruffled his hair. “Everyone _except_ you was a pain. I’m happy to teach you anytime, Jungwonie.”

Heeseung muffled a chuckle behind a hand. “Can’t resist the puppy eyes, huh, Jay.”

“Heeseung-hyung, you’re literally one to talk.”

“Fair enough.”

Jay leaned back against the couch. “At least everyone knows the dance now.”

Heeseung sighed. “Ever since they mentioned the global votes, everyone’s been so distant. It’s kind of worrying.”

Jungwon pouted. “And right after you worked so hard to bring everyone together during the second test.”

Jay’s expression turned determined. “On global votes...I have to make sure that I get the producers’ attention.”

“Why? Do you think you’re incapable of getting the global votes?” Sunghoon joked.

“Yeah.”

The friends fell into stunned silence.

Heeseung laughed uneasily. “What are you talking about, Jay? I’m sure lots of people will vote for you.”

“My personality’s too blunt,” Jay spoke matter-of-factly, like he had already deliberated this in his head. “I don’t think a lot of the viewers like that.”

A low thrum of panic began to settle in Heeseung’s stomach. _I haven't thought about the global viewers at all. What if I’ve somehow made a mistake and no one votes for me? What if I don’t make it past this test?_

He took a glance at his friends around him, his gaze nervous.

_Or, worse, what if my friends don’t get to debut?_

“Hyungs.”

Jungwon’s voice pulled Heeseung out of his panicked state.

“You guys are all immensely talented and kind-hearted. I’m sure the viewers have seen that and are voting for you,” Jungwon spoke confidently. “But I also have faith that the producers will take notice of you guys. We’ll keep moving together.”

Jay, Sunghoon, and Heeseung exchanged looks before simultaneously engulfing Jungwon in a group hug.

“Jungwonie is so mature,” Sunghoon cried.

“Seriously, how do you sound so calm,” Jay said fondly, ruffling his hair.

Heeseung couldn’t speak, but he hoped that the grateful smile he sent Jungwon conveyed all he wanted to say.

_I’ll make sure we’ll all debut together._

-

(The I-Landers were taking a break from dance practice when Jake sent Sunghoon a teasing grin, rolling up his sleeve.

“You got this?” he challenged, flexing his biceps.

Sunghoon stopped and rolled up his sleeve in response, showing off his defined arm muscles with a tiny smirk.

Across the room, Heeseung choked on his water.)

-

Three days before the 4th test, the producers arrived at I-Land for the midpoint evaluations.

Heeseung thought they had been alright, all things considered. They hadn’t practiced as much together, everyone too busy learning their individual parts.

When it came time for feedback, Zico had a mixed expression.

“I think overall, Heeseung was very good,” he started. “I got the impression that he’s a great dancer, so even when he’s doing the same moves he looks better.”

Heeseung had to bite back a smile, thanking the producer profusely.

“I think Jungwon is responsible for the most important role this time,” Zico continued, “but you didn’t show that much of an impact.”

Jungwon’s face fell just barely, and Heeseung resisted the urge to reach out and hug him.

“You needed to show the charisma and energy from the start. I don’t think the performance for that part suits Jungwon. I’m not saying Jungwon isn’t good at it,” Doobu added hastily. “But I think the part can be given to someone who’s got more depth and charisma.”

Zico’s gaze shifted towards Heeseung. “For part 5, you need to think about it more as a team.”

Heeseung sighed internally. He knew what that gaze meant, and prepared himself for the inevitable.

-

The trainees had a meeting afterward to discuss the producers’ feedback. 

“How much time do we have?” Heeseung asked, already beginning to map out the next few days in his head.

There was a long pause, none of the trainees knowing how to proceed.

“I think Jungwon is really good,” Jaebeom began awkwardly. “But since 3 people will be picked by the producers, it would be too risky to not listen to their advice.”

“If you can practice and make the exact changes they asked for, then it would be okay to leave it as it is,” Seon said. “But if you don’t feel confident, or if you don’t think there’s enough time, then it’s better to change it.”

Jungwon looked a little overwhelmed by the sudden decision he was facing, and Heeseung once again had to resist the urge to reach over and comfort him somehow.

“To be honest, though, when Heeseung did “Fire”, he showed us his charisma,” Geonu pointed out. “So if we think about that impact, it would be good for Heeseung to do the part to show that charisma again. What do you guys think?”

K was the first to voice his approval of the switch. “I think Heeseung will give the team higher points if he does part 5 instead of the part he has now.”

_Ah… I knew this would happen._

Heeseung’s thoughts must have shown on his face because both Jay and Sunghoon shot him looks of concern.

“What do you think, Heeseung?”

Heeseung paused before carefully saying, “I don’t think it’s the right time for me to give any opinions.”

Guilt flashed on Jungwon’s face briefly before his expression returned to its neutral state.

“What about you, Jungwon?”

Jungwon hesitated. “...I’ll practice more first. I’ll keep talking about it with Heeseungie-hyung.”

Jay, Sunghoon, and Heeseung exchanged quick glances before Jay reached over Sunghoon to grasp Jungwon’s hand in his.

“I just think you have so much to worry about, all of a sudden,” Jay murmured quietly.

Jungwon’s voice was a little shaky. “I really don’t know what to do.”

And his expression, worried and forlorn, made Heeseung’s heart hurt.

-

(Heeseung ran into Sunghoon near the water fountains, the younger’s expression concerned.

“Both Jay and I have tried to talk to Jungwon already, but he’s really anxious,” he said by way of greeting. “Please, hyung, can you two talk?”

Heeseung sighed guiltily, leaning on Sunghoon’s shoulder. He had been putting off the inevitable as he struggled to figure out what he could say to Jungwon–the last thing he wanted was to upset him even more. 

“I don’t know how to...I don’t want him to misunderstand or get more stressed.”

“He won’t hyung, I promise. You know Jungwon loves you a lot. He’ll understand what you’re saying because you’re his precious Heeseungie-hyung.”

Heeseung let out a sigh. “I really hope so.”

He felt a sensation against his fingers and looked down to see Sunghoon carefully take his hand, his palm cool against his.

“I believe in you,” Sunghoon said, with an expression so hopeful and resolute that Heeseung couldn't help but trust his words.

“Thank you,” he whispered, squeezing Sunghoon’s hand.)

-

With K’s support, Jungwon and Heeseung finally sat down to have their discussion in the lounge. However, just as Sunghoon had warned, Jungwon was clearly torn about what to do.

“Even if I were to take part 2, if I can’t get the facial expressions down, it’ll be risky,” he fretted.

“Whether you switch or not, you have something you need to overcome either way,” Heeseung said carefully. “I think the difference is doing that within a part with more pressure or in a part with less pressure. If you can overcome that, it doesn’t matter.”

“I think that making good facial expressions isn’t something you can master overnight,” K supplied. “If you were to be eliminated…”

Heeseung had to stamp down the panic that flooded through him at K’s words, missing the rest of his statement.

“...I think you have to consider that as well,” he finished.

Jungwon’s eyebrows furrowed and he pressed a hand to his cheeks, looking even more worried than before.

“What do you want to do, Jungwon?” Heeseung blurted, hating the expression that was crossing his dongsaeng’s face.

Jungwon couldn’t answer, and Heeseung needed to say something–but if he said something that only made him more anxious–

_He’ll understand what you’re saying because you’re his precious Heeseungie-hyung._

“Do what you want,” he found himself saying. “Hyung will follow your decision.”

Jungwon’s expression cycled through an array of emotions before finally settling on determination. “Then I’ll do part 2,” he stated. “Rather than be mediocre, it’s better to do it properly, so I think it’s right for me to do part 2.”

“Sounds good,” Heeseung said, looking up to smile at Jungwon approvingly. “I’ve got your back.”

-

(They were in the middle of practicing when Jungwon stopped abruptly, a guilty expression on his face.

“I forgot to apologize, hyung.”

Heeseung turned, confused. “What for?”

“I ended up taking your part, and I know you were a little upset about it earlier during the discussion.”

Heeseung shrugged. He was a little upset, yeah, but not because of that specific part. It was more because of his lack of agency, but that could be resolved later.

Wrapping an arm around the smaller boy, he sent him a reassuring grin. “Maybe I was a little sad, but I’d be more upset if I couldn’t debut with you.”

Jungwon leaned into the embrace. “Same here, hyung.”

Yeah. They _had_ to debut together. Heeseung wouldn’t accept any other option.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if it cuts off a bit weird, the chapter was getting a bit long. i hope you guys enjoyed!
> 
> next chapter should release before their debut :)


	8. interlude: jake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunghoon bursts into jake's room. set during chapter 7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teasers came out and i am hyperventilating they sound so GOOD
> 
> i hammered this out so fast oh my god. i hope i did jake's character justice, i haven't written him much yet
> 
> enjoy!

It was the end of yet another long day of teaching the other members the dance, and Jake was exhausted.

He couldn’t help but feel a little pleased, especially considering his performance during the first test. Between his inexperience and the whole issue with the mic pack...needless to say, it was no surprise that he had gotten kicked out of I-Land.

But then he came back, and now he, the newest trainee, the one who had scored the lowest in the first test, was getting asked for help. 

And damn, it felt pretty good.

At some point, he really had to thank his fellow ‘02 liners. Despite only knowing them for a few weeks, all of them had quickly grown to become his closest friends. He had no idea where he’d be without Jay’s stubborn motivation, EJ’s quiet encouragement, and Sunghoon’s calming presence.

Especially Sunghoon–the two of them were so similar that it just seemed natural to fall into an easy routine of amicable teasing and genuine conversation. It honestly felt like Jake had known him all his life. Cheesy as it was, Sunghoon felt like a brother from another mother, and his comforting presence made the trials of I-Land so much easier to bear. 

_Maybe I should come up with some way to thank him._

Just as he was about to retire for bed, the door to his room suddenly slammed open.

“Jake, oh God,” Sunghoon cried as he burst into the room, cheeks bright red and eyes full of panic.

Jake perked up, all thoughts of sleep escaping his mind. This was the first time he had ever seen Sunghoon look this...energetic? Terrified? Flustered?

“Sunghoon? You good there?”

Sunghoon pressed a hand to his face. “I think I like Heeseung-hyung.”

Damn. And here Jake thought it was something new.

“I know!” he replied cheerfully. “Is that all?”

Sunghoon looked flabbergasted. “What do you _mean,_ ‘is that all’? This is a new development!"

Jake tilted his head in genuine confusion. “I thought we established this the moment Heeseung-hyung shook hands with you on the first day of shooting I-Land.”

The other’s face got even redder if that was even possible. “I–why do you even–what are you–”

“Did you think, for all the time we spend with each other, that I wouldn’t notice the way you look at him?” Jake laughed.

A look of pure mortification crossed Sunghoon’s face before he stepped forward, collapsed onto Jake’s bed, and let out a muffled scream.

“There, there, it's okay,” Jake chirped, patting Sunghoon’s head consolingly.

“No, it’s _not,_ ” Sunghoon wailed into the sheets. “What if he’s noticed too?”

“Heeseung-hyung is as dense as a rock,” Jake reassured. “I doubt he’s picked up on it.”

Sunghoon made a defeated noise.

“Anyways, dude, what made you figure it out? I want _details._ ”

Sunghoon’s form shrank as he buried his nose into the covers. “It’s really embarrassing…”

_“Spill.”_

“It was during the singing unit test,” Sunghoon muttered, face red. “When I saw him sing, with his outfit and his voice...he just looked so _beautiful._ ”

There was a short pause as Jake tried to digest what his best friend had just said.

“Please say something,” Sunghoon begged.

A grin slowly stretched across Jake's face. “That is so sweet, it’s kind of disgusting.” 

_“Ugh,”_ Sunghoon groaned.

“You should tell him!”

“No way, he doesn’t–”

Just then, there was another knock at the door.

“Sunghoonie? Jake? Are you good there?” Heeseung opened the door slightly, shutting up their conversation effectively. “I heard screaming earlier, but I wasn’t sure–”

“Yep! We’re fine!” Sunghoon chirped, patting down the hair Jake had ruffled with a strained smile on his face. “No screaming here, nope!”

Heeseung had a disbelieving smile on his face, but he seemed to accept Sunghoon’s half-assed answer. “Alright. Well, I’m gonna go to sleep. Good night, Jake-ah, Hoonie.”

“Night, hyung,” Jake sang. Heeseung waved and closed the door.

As soon as his footsteps receded, Jake turned to Sunghoon, a wide grin on his face.

_“Hoonie–”_

“Shut _up,_ ” Sunghoon wailed.

“He called you Hoonie, oh my God–”

“I _know._ ”

“You both have it bad, I can't believe this.”

Sunghoon only responded with a noise of embarrassment.

“I’m gonna help you two get together.”

“You’re going to _what–_ ”

_Yep. I know how I’m gonna thank him now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671360 (warning: angst.)
> 
> not sure if i'll get another chapter in before debut but we'll see! :]


	9. the vote

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanted to put this out before enhypen's debut! ahhh, i'm so excited :') i can't believe it's been 2 months since they became enhypen and i know they're going to do great.
> 
> with that being said, here is the last chapter of arc 1! we'll have a brief training camp arc and then it's on to part 2 of i-land. enjoy!

“Heeseung-hyung, please sleep with me.”

Looking up from his book, Heeseung returned Jay’s urgent expression with a deadpan stare.

“...What?”

Jay blinked before a shadow of embarrassment crossed his face. “No, not like that. Ew. But like, I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

Heeseung blinked in slow realization. “...Is this about the ghost thing that Seon-hyung was talking about?”

Jay’s expression was telling, and Heeseung burst into laughter.

“Listen!” Jay snapped, a blush coloring his face. “You know I don’t do well with horror.”

Heeseung tilted his head, a smirk still on his face. “Didn’t you and Jake agree to sleep together then? He was as freaked out as you were.”

“Yeah, well, not anymore, because he and Sunghoon decided to prank me in the bathroom.”

Heeseung made a private note to ask Sunghoon how it went.

“Well, I’m sorry but I can’t take you up on that offer. Jungwonie already asked if he could sleep with me tonight.”

Jay sighed. “Yeah, I can’t go up against that. Maybe I should ask K-hyung or something.”

“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you,” Heeseung mumbled.

_“I heard that.”_

-

The day before the test, the trainees were invited one-by-one into the voting chambers for their final interviews for part 1.

Behind Heeseung, K sniffled, alerting a few of the other trainees around him. The eldest boy had been suffering from a cold, and while his performance wouldn’t necessarily affect the others’ scores, everyone was still worried for him.

Sunghoon stepped out of the room, looking rather somber. Heeseung reached out to tug at his sleeve as he passed.

“Wait for me in the lounge?” he asked quietly.

Sunghoon nodded.

Heeseung wrapped up his interview quickly. The director had asked him to reflect on the last few weeks and what he had learned; having to mentally relive the troubles that he experienced during the show made him understand Sunghoon’s expression as he left the room.

Sunghoon, true to his word, was waiting in the lounge. Heeseung sat himself down next to him, and by instinct, Sunghoon leaned his head on his shoulder.

After a few minutes of silence, Sunghoon finally spoke. 

“That interview...did it make you reflect, too?”

Heeseung nodded thoughtfully.

“It’s weird. It doesn’t feel like it’s been less than a month since I-Land began. And then to think about everything we’ve done in those four weeks…”

Sunghoon reached over and began playing with Heeseung’s fingers.

“I wish I was as confident as Jungwon is. That I–that we’ll all make it together.”

Heeseung tried for a smile. “Well, I don’t know how the producers could reject you. You’re so incredibly skilled, it would be a total loss.”

“Same goes for you, hyung,” Sunghoon whispered, squeezing Heeseung’s hand.

_But the same goes for any of the trainees._

“Then we’ll just have to perform really, really well tomorrow,” Heeseung said decisively. “That way no matter what, we’ll have done our best.”

“Yeah.”

Despite his confident words, melancholy still lingered in the air. All Heeseung could do was tug the other boy a little closer and hope for the best.

-

(“Ah, I seriously love this outfit,” Jay sighed with a smile. “I love this concept.”

Even though he wasn’t as fashion-focused as his best friend, Heeseung had to agree. The black-and-white fits were very stylish and rather comfortable, all things considered. 

_Plus, Sunghoon looks great._

Sunghoon was practically glowing in his loose white shirt and fitted black pants, with his hair swept back from his face and light makeup accentuating his features. And around his neck, contrasting nicely against his pale skin, was...

“What do you call those? A neck belt?” Heeseung asked distractedly, before immediately realizing just exactly what he had just said. Damn, Sunghoon was really not doing good things to his brain.

Jay sent him a look that was equal parts scandalized and disgusted. “It’s a choker,” he snorted.

“I used to call them leashes,” Jake offered, possibly trying to salvage the situation.

Sunghoon, on cue, began to pant like a dog in a manner so goddamn _adorable_ that Heeseung frankly wanted to combust.

The knowing look on Jay’s face did not help.)

-

The I-Landers were tense as they made their way on the stage. As Heeseung readied himself into his starting position, he could see the strain coiled in Jay’s back, the rigid stillness in Jungwon’s pose, the slight trembling of Sunghoon’s fingers.

“Fighting,” he whispered quietly.

And then the music began.

Like all of the performances before, I&Credible passed by in a flash. One moment Heeseung was gesturing to the camera, expression focused, and the next the trainees were already assembled in their final poses, breathing heavily.

After a second take for the individual fancams, the I-Landers finished their performance and moved back to the main room. 

Heeseung wanted to turn to his friends, ask them how they felt, but he couldn’t. The air was heavy and charged with apprehension, everyone clearly worried about elimination. It was so silent that he almost welcomed the jarring ringing of the system as it activated when they stepped out of the revolving door.

“Voting for the Final 12 will begin soon. Consider all aspects of the current I-Landers in determining 3 people to eliminate.”

Heeseung closed his eyes. _I hate this. I don’t want to do this._

“Voting for member eliminations will begin in one hour.”

The doorway began to glow, showing the timer blinking across its surface.

“How could we do that right after we finished the performance?” Sunghoon whispered, horrified.

Jay turned to support a suddenly faint-looking K, who was clearly exhausted both from the performance and from his cold.

“What’s going on? Did something happen onstage?” Jay asked urgently.

K attempted to take a breath, but his face was pale. “I’m not sure.”

The other I-Landers looked over in concern. 

“Here, let’s go to the kitchen,” Jay finally offered. “I’ll get you some water.”

At Jay’s initiation, the crowd began to disperse. Jungwon, Jake, Sunghoon, Seon, Jaebeom, and Heeseung all ended up in the Green Room, too desperate for companionship to stay in smaller groups.

“If I go to Ground…” Jaebeom mused.

“I really don’t want to go to Ground,” Jungwon murmured from next to Heeseung on the bed, and Heeseung pulled him into a hug as reassuring as he could manage.

“Whether any of you go to Ground with me or whoever goes there first, if the people at Ground hate me too much, please take my side,” Seon joked half-heartedly.

“We don’t know if you’ll go or not,” Sunghoon replied.

“I know. So if I go, or even if I stay here, or if we go together.”

Sunghoon looked nervous. Heeseung knew his friend was a pessimist by nature, so all the talk about going down to Ground was no doubt stressing him out.

“I’ve gotta go,” he said, standing up.

“Sunghoon-ah,” Seon called out.

“Yes?”

“Don’t go,” he pleaded, reaching out to pat the bed with a smile. “Sit here.”

Sunghoon complied, though the conflicted expression remained on his face. Heeseung wanted to go over and reassure him somehow, but he didn’t know what to say.

-

(During the hour, the trainees were also told to pack up their personal belongings. Regardless of who stayed in I-Land, all 23 trainees would be sent to a camp at Belift during the 4-week break in shooting, so everyone had to move out of the building.

Sunghoon had finished packing his stuff up early, so he waited on the couch with K and Jay for the rest of the trainees to arrive.

Jake and Jungwon came in, both hauling bags of clothes and toiletries. 

“Hyung, did you pack your slippers?” Jungwon asked.

“I did pack them, for now,” Jay replied with a little laugh. “You have to pack the slippers.”

“I’m really going to wear them,” Jake grinned, packing them in a bag.

“They’re so comfy,” Jungwon sighed. “I’ll wear them there, too.”

As Heeseung walked in, Jay snorted. “That hyung is already wearing his slippers. Where are your shoes?” he asked Heeseung.

“Oh, right, shoes!” Heeseung stopped in his tracks, looking adorably confused. “Do we need to bring them?”

“Hurry up and bring it,” Jay laughed, turning to the others. “He just shamelessly came out wearing the slippers.”

Jake met Sunghoon’s eyes with a smirk. _‘You thought he was cute, huh?’_ he mouthed.

Sunghoon rolled his eyes because Jake was right.)

-

The hour passed by all too quickly, and soon Heeseung found himself in the voting room.

This time, however, the scores from all 12 of the I-Landers appeared onscreen.

He scanned the scores, proudly seeing Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon take the top three spots respectively. Especially Jungwon–he knew firsthand how much the younger had practiced after switching his part, and he was so glad his dongsaeng could perform brilliantly.

K’s score made him wince since the producers had clearly not taken into account his cold. Heeseung couldn’t dwell on it long, though, as his gaze soon swept to his own score.

_70._

Heeseung closed his eyes in disappointment. _I should have been better. I could have fixed so many parts of my performance. Like that one move, or that one expression...Did I even try hard enough? They said I had the charisma for the part, but did I really–?_

“...Um, Heeseung-sshi,” a staff member whispered, poking their head in from the doorway. “Could you make your decision soon? I’m sorry to rush you, but you still have an interview after this, and…”

“Oh, yes, sorry,” Heeseung apologized, bowing profusely. 

_How much time did I spend berating myself? Seriously, I have to improve on that…_

But there was no time. Heeseung stared at the options and made his choice.

-

The atmosphere was gloomy as Jungwon, the last to vote, stepped back into the main room. Part of Heeseung just wanted eliminations to _happen_ already, but part of him also wanted to prolong them as long as he could, knowing that six of them would have to leave at the end.

Not long after Jungwon settled in his seat, eliminations proceeded. First were the voted eliminations; Heeseung had to look away guiltily as the eliminated trainees were announced. It seemed that everyone had the same idea as him in terms of evaluations, but it didn’t make the loss any less devastating.

“Lee Youngbin, Jung Jaebeom, Jo Kyungmin.”

The trainees’ expressions ranged from quiet devastation to somber acceptance. 

“Now we’ll announce the three eliminated members by the producers.”

Jay buried his face in his hands. Nearby, Sunghoon looked up, anxiety written across his features, while Jake laced his hands together in prayer and Jungwon closed his eyes.

Heeseung couldn’t look at them, couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen.

“The first to be eliminated is Byun Euijoo.”

EJ nodded in acceptance, but Heeseung barely glanced over to see his expression, too focused on the words of the announcer.

_Please. Please. Don’t take them away from me._

“-Choi Seon.”

Heeseung looked at the other trainees, eyes wide. Their responsible, hardworking mediator...why would the producers choose him? Everyone else seemed to share the same idea, glancing at one another in shock.

Seon seemed to be the only one who expected the results. Though there were tears running down his cheeks, he didn’t show any signs of surprise.

 _Six is a large number of people to eliminate,_ Heeseung realized belatedly.

Heart in his throat, he turned back to watch the last elimination. The card slowly flipped over, and–

“Lee Geonu.”

For the briefest moment, Heeseung felt relieved that none of his closest friends had been eliminated before the devastation settled into his stomach.

His Geonu-hyung. The boy that he had spent countless hours practicing “Butterfly” with, the trainee with the honey voice and gluttonous habits, his sweet hyung who genuinely tried his best every time – _he_ was eliminated?

Geonu lowered his head, and Heeseung couldn’t help the silent sob that clawed its way out of his throat.

“The six people named should return their nameplates and head to Ground.”

There was something horribly final about the announcer’s words, and it truly began to hit Heeseung, that his friends were _leaving_ , as they stood up to put the signs away.

When Geonu turned around, Heeseung was the first to approach him, curling his arms around the older boy. As Geonu’s trembling hands made their way around Heeseung’s back, Heeseung finally let out the tears that he had been holding back and sobbed loudly, uncaring of the trainees around him.

“Don’t cry, don’t cry,” Geonu murmured as he patted his back, but his voice was shaking.

It took a while before Heeseung was willing to let go of his friend to give his farewells to the other crying trainees. Even Jungwon, usually the most stoic of them all, had tears in the corners of his eyes as he tightly embraced Geonu.

After a few more all-too-short minutes of farewells, the eliminated trainees stepped into the doorway and waved goodbye.

“You have to come back,” Jay sobbed, with an expression that would have been comical were the situation not so horribly despondent. “Come back again!”

The doorway slowly rotated shut.

Immediately, Jay buried his face into his hands. Jake collapsed onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, and Sunghoon knelt down to support the crying boy, wiping his own tears away with the back of his hand. Jungwon turned and silently buried his face into Heeseung’s chest, giving the older boy the opportunity to melt into his embrace in an attempt to slow his tears. K was the only one who had somewhat recovered, leaning over to press a comforting hand on Jay’s back before gathering the six of them into a tearful embrace.

Heeseung leaned against his friends, breath still unsteady, and mourned.

-

Thankfully, the producers were kind enough to allow the remaining I-Landers to pull themselves together before moving into their next schedule. Once Jake’s sobs had subsided and Jay’s hands were no longer shaking, they were directed to one of the side entryways into an awaiting van to be shuttled off to the training camp.

After putting away his bag, Heeseung settled himself next to Jungwon, who was taking the window seat. Sunghoon sat down on his other side, immediately slumping against Heeseung’s shoulder. Jake was at the other window seat, sleeping soundly; the poor boy had cried so hard that he was left exhausted. K and Jay sat in the front, conversing quietly in a hybrid mix of Korean and Japanese.

Now that the initial grief had subsided, the realization that Heeseung was _one step closer_ was beginning to sink in.

_Somehow...I’ve made my way into Part 2._

A bittersweet but joyful feeling filled him, and Heeseung couldn’t help but huff out a tiny laugh, clear and bright against the low rumble of the van’s engine.

Both Jay and K turned around at the noise, and Jake slowly stirred awake.

“Hyung, are you alright?” Jungwon asked, concerned.

“I’m fine,” Heeseung reassured him, a slow smile spreading onto his face. “It’s just...we _made_ it, you know? We’re gonna stay in I-Land.”

Next to him, a look of realization crossed Sunghoon’s face before his face slowly lit up. “You’re right,” he whispered, awed. “We did it.”

Both Jay and K broke into smiles, and Jake sleepily grinned. Jungwon leaned over to prop his chin against Heeseung’s shoulder with a smile of his own.

“And…” Heeseung whispered, quieter. “I’m glad you guys were the ones who made it.”

At that, Sunghoon reached over to intertwine their fingers, the gesture familiar and comforting. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it! next chapter will drop as soon as i can recover from given-taken, which ... might take a while.


	10. the training camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> revelations are made, and jay desperately needs aspirin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT (oh my god 3 weeks...) I'VE BEEN WRITING OTHER THINGS AND THEN COLLEGE APPLICATIONS AND OTHER THINGS HAPPENED BUT I'M BACK 
> 
> and actually, you know what? no excuses. here's the chapter.

Later that night, Heeseung ran into Sunghoon in the bathroom.

“Sunghoonie,” he called out quietly. The aforementioned boy looked up from where he was washing his face, wiping his cheeks with a damp towel.

“Heeseung-hyung, hey,” Sunghoon shifted so that they could share the sink. “I haven’t seen you since the meeting earlier.”

The 6 I-Landers had attended a brief meeting with the company to review their schedule for the day and had quick review dance and vocal lessons, but afterward they had been left to their own devices.

Heeseung’s smile turned a little sad. “Yeah, I had to talk with Jungwon for a bit. He was a bit upset earlier.”

“I heard,” Sunghoon sighed. Jungwon’s friend and entrance exam teammate, Yoonwon, had briefly shown up at the training camp building to say his goodbyes. Yoonwon’s leg had been hurting during filming to the point where it hurt to walk, so the boy had opted to step out of I-Land. Unsurprisingly, Jungwon had been distraught and had spent the evening moping.

“He felt a little better after some cuddles,” Heeseung brightened slightly, moving to take his toothbrush out of his toiletry bag. “But I did end up passing the cuddling responsibilities to Jake after a while.”

“Knowing those two, they probably fell asleep,” Sunghoon laughed.

“They did,” Heeseung confirmed with a smile. “What did you do?”

“The staff had Jay and I film individual video logs.”

Heeseung tilted his head around a mouthful of toothpaste. “Vlogs, huh? To show our progress, I assume.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking,” Sunghoon agreed. “It was surprisingly difficult to film, considering that we’re so heavily surveilled on I-Land.”

“I bet Jay had a hard time.”

“He did. I'm almost certain the editors will have a lot to do since he kept pausing all the time.”

The conversation slowly petered out. Heeseung fidgeted with his cup, unwilling to cut the conversation short but too awkward to continue speaking.

“Y’know, there aren’t any cameras here,” he finally blurted.

Sunghoon turned to him, looking politely confused. “Yeah…?”

_Wait. Where am I going with this?_

Unable to verbalize his feelings, Heeseung placed his stuff down before reaching out and wrapping Sunghoon in a tight hug.

“I...couldn’t really say this in front of everyone, but I’m _really_ happy you made it here with me, Hoonie.”

_I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t..._

Sunghoon didn’t reply, but his tight hold around Heeseung’s waist told him all he needed to know.

-

(“You know, I thought Heeseung-hyung was rooming with you, Jungwon,” Jay murmured, staring at Heeseung and Sunghoon sleeping soundly on Heeseung’s bed, limbs tangled together.

“Okay, in hyung’s defense I was sleeping in Jake-hyung and Sunghoon-hyung’s room last night,” Jungwon amended.

“Fair, but that doesn’t explain–there are two beds in each room.”

“Heeseung-hyung likes cuddling, I guess…?”

Jay could only sigh exasperatedly. “Thank goodness there are no cameras here.”)

-

The following couple of days were quiet, especially since the dorms that the 6 I-Landers had temporarily stationed themselves for the training camp were meant to hold 22. Though the building was not as big as I-Land, the space still felt empty with oppressive silence, and as a result, the trainees stuck together whenever possible.

So it was a bit of a surprise when Jungwon ran into Sunghoon standing alone in the hallway, deep in thought.

“Sunghoon-hyung!”

The boy looked up in the direction of the voice and smiled when he saw Jungwon approaching.

“What are you doing here alone?”

Sunghoon gestured to the door next to him. “Heeseung-hyung should be finishing up his vocal lessons really soon. And since I was already in this hallway for my own lessons, I figured I’d wait for him so we could walk together.”

 _“I’m not sure why I even asked,”_ Jungwon muttered to himself.

“Sorry?”

“Nothing, hyung,” Jungwon grinned. “I just finished my own lesson, so I’ll wait here with you!”

It didn’t take long before the door opened, revealing an abnormally cheery Heeseung.

“Oh, hey guys!” Heeseung said, a blinding smile already on his face.

Sunghoon instinctively wanted to turn away, the other’s smile almost dazzlingly bright. “Hey, hyung. You seem...excited.”

“One of our old teachers from BigHit was my vocal instructor today,” Heeseung smiled. “It was great. I really missed learning from them.”

“Ah, I’m jealous,” Jungwon sighed. “It must be nice to see a familiar face.”

“It is,” Heeseung agreed. “Weirdly, it was like a reminder that there are other people here if that makes sense?”

Sunghoon nodded in understanding. “The building feels too empty at the moment, so I get what you mean.”

“Not for too much longer,” Heeseung said reassuringly. “I think the rest of the trainees should be arriving tomorrow.”

“That’s good,” Sunghoon sighed. “I miss them.”

Beside them, Jungwon’s expression seemed a bit conflicted, like he agreed with their statements but had thoughts of his own.

“What do you think, Jungwonie?”

“I miss them a lot, but once they come our schedules are gonna be busier,” Jungwon pouted. “And we won’t have time to cuddle together.”

At this, both Sunghoon and Heeseung broke into laughter.

“So _that_ was your ulterior motive,” Sunghoon giggled.

“We have free time before dinner, if you’d like to take a break,” Heeseung offered with a grin.

“I’ll message Jay, Jake, and K-hyung–” Sunghoon reached into his pocket instinctively, only to smile sheepishly. “Or not. You’d think I’d remember that we don’t have our phones, since it’s been almost a month at this point.”

“It’s more inconvenient to not have them during this camp,” Jungwon sighed. The building, though not much bigger than I-Land, had many hallways and less open space, so it was harder to navigate and find the others if one was looking for them.

“Didn’t Jay and K-hyung say they were going to do some extra dance practice or something?” Heeseung asked.

“Oh, yeah, you’re right,” Sunghoon nodded. “I think Jake ended up tagging along as well.”

“We probably shouldn’t bother them,” Jungwon sighed.

“And they’ll be all gross after practicing so they’d need to shower…”

“We only have an hour before dinner…”

There was a drawn-out pause before Jungwon grabbed their wrists and tugged them to his and Heeseung’s room with a grin. “Just the three of us, then!” he chirped.

Sunghoon and Heeseung couldn’t help trading hopelessly endeared looks as they allowed themselves to be tugged by their dongsaeng.

-

To the original 6’s relief, the other 16 trainees soon arrived at the training camp, and the once-empty building was suddenly filled with the loud chatter of adolescent boys. The rooms no longer felt as lonely, the hallways no longer so wide. Heeseung relished the feeling, the familiar hum of activity reminding him of before I-Land, where he was just another trainee in a building slightly too small to fit the number of people inside.

Just as Jungwon predicted, however, Heeseung didn’t see his friends as often anymore. Their schedules had indeed picked up when the rest of the trainees had arrived, and between vocal lessons, dance practice, filming, media training, and whatever else Belift had prepared for them, the lofty schedules and extended breaks of their first few days at the camp seemed like a distant memory.

And, if he was being honest, it was partially his own choice as well. It wasn’t that Heeseung was deliberately avoiding Jungwon, Jay, or Sunghoon, but rather he knew it was more important to spend time with the other 16 trainees. He could spend all the time he wanted with his friends during part 2; he couldn’t say the same about the rest of the trainees.

Of course, that didn’t stop him from sharing grins with Jungwon whenever they met or ruthlessly teasing Jay regardless of circumstance. Sunghoon, too, was never too distant, always meeting his eyes with a smile when they saw one another. Heeseung found himself following his frame, his eyes automatically searching for the other boy whenever they were within vicinity of one another.

After a week of the training camp, Jay took advantage of a free period to barge into Heeseung’s room without warning.

“We need to talk,” he snapped, jolting Heeseung from where he was sitting on his bunk bed.

“You’re lucky my roommate isn’t here,” Heeseung sighed, putting down his book as Jay shut the door behind him. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve had a permanent migraine since the moment we came here because of you, so I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Migraine? Because of _me?_ ”

Jay made a face. “Don’t think I haven’t seen you mooning over Sunghoon the _entire_ time we’ve been at this training camp. He can literally blink and your eyes will be all over him. Honestly, I’m surprised no one else has noticed–”

“Jay!” Heeseung hissed, a blush creeping onto his face. “I wasn’t–”

“Don’t even try to deny it,” Jay groaned. “You’re not that stupid to continue denying your crush on him, are you?”

There was a pause before Heeseung finally opened his mouth, looking reluctant.

“I’m...pretty sure I like him. I don’t think I can dispute that, not at this point.”

Jay bit back the _Finally!_ that threatened to edge its way out of his throat, mindful of Heeseung’s mixed expression.

“It’s just...You know I care about you guys a lot.”

Jay nodded quietly. Heeseung was nothing if not extremely devoted to his friends, and shooting I-Land only served to prove it further.

“And you know that if anything happened to you guys...”

_I would break._

Heeseung didn’t say it aloud, but Jay understood. Though Heeseung had been referred to by his peers as an ace, as a flawless, infinitely skilled trainee, he was by no means infallible. Contrary to others' expectations, Heeseung was volatile by nature, someone who could build himself up quickly but could be torn down even faster. He would no doubt shatter if anything happened to his loved ones.

“So then, knowing that I might like Sunghoon differently, might like him even _more_ than that...it’s terrifying to think about.”

Because Heeseung was already emotionally strained by the atmosphere of I-Land, already stretched thin by the demands that were being placed on him. For so much of his sanity to be held together by someone else…

Heeseung laughed halfheartedly. “Even just admitting I like him scares me a little, if I’m being honest. I don’t know how I’d handle it if any of us left.”

Unable to stand the pained look on Heeseung’s face, Jay finally reached over to pull his best friend into a hug.

“First of all, thank goodness you’ve finally owned up to your crush,” Jay smiled, lightening up the tension. “It’s only taken you a week. I thought it would take you until the end of I-Land.”

“Okay, I’m dense, but not _that_ dense–”

“–Second!” Jay continued, interrupting Heeseung and swinging an arm around his shoulders. “Have more faith in us! Do you think that any of us aren’t skilled enough to make it through I-Land? That we’re not good enough to debut?”

“Of course not!” Heeseung blurted vehemently. “You guys are so ridiculously talented and I’ll eat my beanie if anyone says otherwise.”

“Then stop thinking about the what-ifs and the theoreticals! We’re all here together now, and we’re going to stay together! You shouldn’t be suppressing your feelings just for something that won’t happen in the first place!”

“But what if–”

“Stop thinking about that! Everything will work out the way it should.”

But Heeseung _couldn’t_ stop thinking about it, couldn’t help the awful thoughts swirling around in his stomach. Before he could further entertain his thoughts, Jay reached out and grabbed his hands.

“Hey,” he murmured, a little quieter. “You have me and Jungwonie, and you have Sunghoon. If you shatter, we’ll pick up the pieces and put you back together.”

_We’re here for you._

A lump grew in Heeseung’s throat, and he willed the tears from forming in his eyes.

“Thank you, Jay,” he whispered hoarsely.

Jay smiled, squeezing his hands gently. “Anytime, hyung.”

-

Something was different, Sunghoon noticed.

Ever since he’d finally accepted that his feelings for Heeseung were...not platonic, Sunghoon had been focusing doubly hard on acting normal around the other boy. _Sure,_ his gaze lingered on him slightly longer than normal, and it was hard to pretend that each fleeting touch didn’t set off a thousand butterflies in his stomach, but it was fine! (Probably.)

But it was getting harder and harder to pretend everything was the same as always when Heeseung started to actively seek him out.

It started off small, with Heeseung’s hands brushing his for just a little longer than before. The boy was naturally touchy despite his shyness, so Sunghoon had simply taken it as a standard gesture of affection.

Then came his stares _._ And again, Sunghoon had grown somewhat used to Heeseung staring at him during practice–his hyung liked to observe everyone’s conditions, so it wasn’t too out of the ordinary–but then he started to feel his stares _outside_ of practice, like during dinner or break time. He never stared for long, and Sunghoon didn’t feel uncomfortable, but it was nerve-wracking to know that his crush was staring at him for _some_ reason.

And finally, as if to establish that Heeseung’s behavior was out-of-the-ordinary, Heeseung became a _lot_ more clingy. Suddenly, random back hugs became routine, hand-holding began to occur daily, and one night Heeseung even brushed a kiss on his forehead. (Granted, he had thought Sunghoon was already asleep.)

“I just don’t get it,” Sunghoon moaned, collapsing headfirst into his bed. “What could have happened to him?”

“Isn’t it a good thing that he’s become more touchy with you?” Jake asked, by now used to Sunghoon’s flustered outbursts.

“Well, yes, it's nice...but what if he’s become more touchy with everyone?” Sunghoon wailed.

“He certainly hasn’t been more touchy with me,” Jake said, an amused expression on his face. “Sunghoonie, have you ever considered that you’re special?”

Sunghoon put up a hand, his face still buried into his pillow. “Don’t give me hope. Heeseung-hyung doesn’t like me like that.”

Jake practically cackled, leaning over to rub Sunghoon’s back comfortingly. “Alright, sure, whatever you say.”

-

(“Hyung, when I said ‘don’t suppress your feelings’ I didn’t mean ‘smother Sunghoon in affection that he’s unprepared for’.”

Heeseung buried his face in his hands. “I _know,_ it’s just...God, I like him so much.”

“That’s sweet and all, but Sunghoon was _this_ close to breaking down this morning when you fucking _nuzzled his neck_ in the bathroom.”

“In my defense, I was barely awake.”

“Sure, but you practically scarred poor Taki and K-hyung. Those two didn’t deserve to see your excessive PDA at seven in the morning.”

“I’ll apologize to them later, but Sunghoonie’s shampoo smells really good, and now that I know I like him I can actually admit this to myself.”

Jay resisted the urge to let out a feral scream. “Jesus Christ.”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been my most incoherent chapter yet so apologies, but i hope you enjoyed lmao


	11. the final twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the trainees spend time together before some of them have to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!!! HERE'S A LONG CHAPTER TO MAKE UP FOR IT AAAAAAAAAA
> 
> but hey on the bright side my college apps are done so i can probably update more consistently again!
> 
> this chapter starts out really happy but does not end that way. angst warning!

All too soon, their days at the training camp became numbered. As the date crept closer to when they were scheduled to return to I-Land, the 6 confirmed I-Landers found themselves put in separate activities, filming special segments and even doing a live-streamed interview with the producers. 

“I wonder how many people were watching,” Jungwon mused after the livestream had finished.

“Honestly, it feels like it’s just our parents or something,” Jake added. “I can’t imagine people actually watching us, y’know?”

“Same,” Sunghoon murmured. 

“It’s weird to think about, that there are people who’d willingly watch us just talk to the producers for an hour,” K laughed. “I hope I wasn’t too awkward.”

“You were fine, hyung,” Jay reassured, before turning to Heeseung with a teasing grin. “On the other hand, this hyung was almost _too_ comfortable.”

“I mean, out of all of us, the producers probably know Heeseung-hyung the best since he’s been at BigHit the longest,” Jungwon amended.

Heeseung could only grin sheepishly. His friends were right–his interview had been the most natural by far, with the BigHit producers already familiar with his personality and artistry. But it was nice to talk to them individually and garner feedback he wouldn’t normally get in a group setting.

“I didn’t know Heeseung-hyung could rap, though,” Jake said.

At this, Jay burst out laughing. “Heeseung-hyung can rap well, but the face he makes when he’s rapping is so–”

Heeseung hit his shoulder with a playful smile. “Hey, it’s not that bad.”

“His eyes are really big, so he looks like Bambi or something while he’s rapping,” Sunghoon giggled.

“Not you too,” Heeseung groaned. “Do I look that much like a deer?”

“A little bit,” K admitted.

“Sorry, hyung,” Jungwon smiled sheepishly.

Jay, almost bent over from laughter, had to hold onto K to stabilize himself.

Heeseung pouted as they walked out of the shooting building towards the company van. “I can’t believe you all…” he muttered, betrayed.

Sunghoon’s smile grew wider, his freshly dyed hair shining copper against the sunlight. “It’s fine, hyung. You’re cute.”

_You’re cute._

Jake’s eyebrows raised up to his hairline while Jay made a face of disgust. K looked between the two of them, expression growing increasingly confused, and Jungwon simply smiled.

“Agh, it’s so hot,” Sunghoon complained, hurrying them into the van. He had clearly not realized what he had just said.

The flush on Heeseung’s cheeks didn’t leave for ten minutes, even as they were blasted with cold air from the air conditioner.

-

“Everyone, we’re here for team-building training,” Jay announced.

It was one of the last days before they were scheduled to head back to I-Land, and the staff had gathered all 22 trainees into a large meeting room for their team-building exercise (which was really just an end-of-camp celebratory barbeque). To Heeseung’s amusement, Jay was assigned as host of the exercise, but as his dongsaeng successfully led the trainees into organizing teams, he couldn’t help but feel proud.

“If everyone’s okay with it, I want to be the leader for the grilling team,” Jay announced.

Everyone agreed easily, all having witnessed or heard of Jay’s relative experience with cooking, and the topic changed to the ramyeon team.

“Oh, Heeseungie makes amazing ramyeon,” Seon offered. 

“I really like ramyeon,” Heeseung admitted, “and I make it often, so I’ll volunteer.”

Jay sent Heeseung an amused look, clearly remembering all of the times during their trainee days where he would end up treating the four of them to ramyeon.

The rest of the roles were divided quickly, the growing camaraderie between the trainees allowing the process to go by easily. To no one’s surprise, Jungwon ended up on the ramyeon team with Heeseung, while Sunghoon volunteered for the veggie team. The trainees then separated to begin planning.

As Jake and EJ flitted around the room with cameras, Heeseung quickly went into “leader mode”, carefully laying out their objectives and distributing roles for each individual in the ramyeon team.

“We should make at least five ramyeon per pot,” he stated. “We have three pots.”

Jungwon nodded, fiddling with one of the pots. “So fifteen ramyeon packs. It’s enough if just one person works on each pot, right?”

“Probably,” Heeseung nodded, staring speculatively at the unopened packages.

“You’re also going to make the rice,” a staff member informed them.

“Oh, then at least one person should be in charge of rice,” Jungwon replied quickly before pausing. “Er, unless Heeseung-hyung has objections…?”

“No, you’ve got this,” Heeseung encouraged. “I’ll follow your lead.”

“You’re the leader, though,” Jungwon murmured shyly.

“Then I’ll just make you co-leader or something,” Heeseung chirped, and the rest of their group mates nodded along. “We all know you’re capable.”

Jungwon nodded with a small smile, and Heeseung glowed with pride as his beloved dongsaeng continued to plan with the others, this time with confidence.

-

By no coincidence of its own, Jungwon and Heeseung ended up being in charge of the rice.

(“You guys can handle the ramyeon, right?” Jungwon said with pleading eyes, and everyone agreed because who could resist Jungwon when he asked?)

It started with relative quiet, both aware of the camera filming them as they transferred instant rice to and from the microwave. However, as soon as the packages were deposited and heated, Jungwon dragged his hyung off to play with one of the arcade games.

“Hyung,” he whispered quietly, the loud sounds of the video game concealing his voice.

“Hmm?” Heeseung murmured, distracted by the game in front of him.

“When are you going to ask Sunghoon-hyung out?”

 _“What?”_ Heeseung yelped, only to look back nervously at where the camera was filming them.

“Don’t worry, they think you’re just yelling because of the game,” Jungwon reassured. “They can’t hear us under the noise of the machine, since we don’t have mics on or anything.”

Heeseung breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good.”

“Anyways, answer the question. When are you gonna tell him you like him?”

“Seriously, how does _everyone_ know I like him?”

Jungwon gave him a Look. “Do you want receipts, or–“

“No, no, that’s fine,” Heeseung hurriedly interrupted. The last thing he wanted to know was exactly how much pining his favorite dongsaeng had witnessed from him. “I mean…I wasn’t planning to tell him anytime soon...or ever…”

“But Sunghoon-hyung likes you too?” Jungwon tilted his head, speaking as if it were fact. As if the prettiest trainee at Belift actually liked _Heeseung,_ of all people–

“I doubt it,” Heeseung smiled. “If anything, he’s more likely to crush on Jake, or Jay, or even Sunoo. Definitely not me.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, hyung,” Jungwon sighed but didn’t push the subject further. “Just think about it, okay?”

“Sure, Jungwonie,” Heeseung said, before the cameraman walked over and the conversation was finished.

-

(“Is this how the seating chart is going to look?” Jay took a break from preparing the grills to sneak a look at the labels arranged on the picnic tables.

“Yep, we wanted to put people who haven’t talked much with each other together. Team building and all that,” K said, straightening one of the nameplates on the table.

Jay took a circuit around the site, scanning the names before stopping abruptly.

“You put Heeseung-hyung and Sunghoon together, hyung?”

“Well, not technically,” K said with a lopsided grin. “They’ll be sitting at separate tables. But you know...it wouldn’t hurt to put them near each other. I think those two just need a little help.”

“A lot of help, hyung,” Jay snorted. “Good choice, though.”)

-

That night, all 22 trainees gathered in the common room, dragging pillows and blankets behind them.

During dinner, Seon had suggested that they all have a slumber party for their last night at the training camp. Everyone was all too happy to spend more time with their friends before the shoot, playing cards and singing karaoke.

It wasn’t until later that night when everyone had begun to wind down and settle into their blankets that Jake suggested they play a game.

“How about truth or dare?”

“Rejected,” Seon and K said simultaneously, to Jake’s disappointment.

“Dares are bound to escalate,” Seon explained with a wry grin. “I’d like us all to show up at the shoot in one piece.”

“What about Never have I Ever?” Sunoo suggested.

“That could work,” Heeseung said, nodding. “We should probably set some guidelines, though.”

“I agree,” Jungwon added, lifting his head from Heeseung’s shoulder. “Like, no one should be forced to answer anything if they don’t want to.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ta-ki nodded eagerly. 

Together, the trainees managed to list off a few guidelines–nothing PG-13 (“think of the children,” K pleaded, gesturing to Ni-ki, Ta-ki, and Daniel), the ability to skip rounds, no personal statements, etc., and soon they were ready to begin.

“I’ll start,” Jay said. “Never have I ever participated in a skating tournament.”

 _“Oi,”_ Sunghoon said, reaching out with one hand to slap the back of Jay’s head while he put a finger down. 

“Hey, hey, no direct attacks,” Geonu laughed.

“Does that still count?” Sunghoon asked, turning his pleading eyes to the other trainees.

Heeseung was weak for Sunghoon, but that didn’t mean he was above messing with him a little. “This one will count, just as an example of what not to do.”

 _“Hyung,”_ Sunghoon groaned, leaning over Heeseung’s shoulder with a pout. 

The older boy simply laughed, reaching across the circle to slap Jay’s awaiting hand.

The game continued mildly at first (the most contentious statement being “never have I ever liked mint chocolate”, which spurred a heated debate that lasted ten minutes), but slowly turned into more personal statements as the boys got more comfortable with one another.

Then Ni-ki, with a mischievous grin, spoke. “Never have I ever kissed someone on the mouth before.”

This prompted a chorus of _“Ooh~”_ as the boys began to zero in on the few older trainees that had lowered their fingers. Suddenly the game became unimportant as everyone began interrogating one another playfully, ribbing on each other’s love lives (or lack thereof).

Jake turned to Sunghoon and Heeseung amid the chaos, staring at the fingers they still held up. “I’m surprised neither of you have kissed anyone before.”

“Especially our Ice Prince,” Sunoo added with a grin, popping up from behind him.

“I was busy with ice skating,” Sunghoon explained, and Heeseung should not have felt as relieved as he did.

“Similar to him,” Heeseung added. “By the time I was old enough to think about those things I was too busy with training.”

“You two are no fun,” Sunoo pouted.

“I don’t see you lowering any fingers either,” Sunghoon retorted.

Sunoo gasped. “The _audacity–_ ”

Ignoring the other two as they began bickering, Heeseung zeroed in on Jake’s fingers, down by one. “But you have?”

Jake shrugged. “Australians are touchy people.”

The game ended soon after that, everyone growing sleepy (“and it really is getting late,” Seon fretted, staring at the clock). After a mass exodus to the bathrooms where the trainees washed up, they ended up in a giant cuddle pile, the mess of blankets around them.

Heeseung couldn’t sleep, though, even when everyone else’s breathing slowed and the room fell into silence.

Slowly, he turned to where Sunghoon was tucked next to him, mindful of Jungwon’s arms curled against his back. 

_I’m going to miss this,_ he wanted to say. _I wish some of us didn’t have to leave._

_I hope you won’t have to leave._

But Sunghoon was fast asleep, eyelashes dark and long against his cheek as his breath gently fanned Heeseung’s shoulder, and he didn’t want to disturb him.

Heeseung wasn’t sure how long he lay there, staring blankly, his thoughts swirling in his stomach as he dropped to sleep.

-

(“Remember, Sunghoon-sshi will be going first, then Jungwon-sshi and Heeseung-sshi…” the producer said, pointing to where the boys were to stand.

Heeseung watched Sunghoon pass him to move to the front, where the cameras and lights were waiting, and he felt strangely saddened, knowing they were all about to walk back into a lion’s den.

Then, just barely, he felt Sunghoon’s fingers brush against his own, felt the brief warmth against his palm, and looked up to see Sunghoon’s jaw set, gaze determined.

It might have been a lion’s den, but they were strong enough to make it through.)

-

The 6 I-Landers were instructed to wait in the main room, only able to watch through the screen as the other 16 trainees walked through the doors.

“Let’s go to Part 2 together,” Heeseung whispered.

Jake nervously fiddled with his hands. “This is driving me crazy.”

The trainees slowed to a stop, their stiff positions betraying their nervousness.

“Geonu-hyung! Fighting!” Jungwon chanted nervously, following with a quiet “Please.”

Heeseung echoed his words, rubbing his shaking dongsaeng’s back as the announcer droned on above them.

“...We will be announcing the first survivor.”

Struck by nerves, K suddenly knelt down. “Wait for a second,” he pleaded.

“Please,” Jay mumbled.

“Really, please,” Jungwon begged.

“This trainee received 2.09 million votes,” the announcer continued, to everyone’s shock.

“Wait, that’s so many,” Jungwon gasped.

“I guess it isn’t just our parents watching us,” Jake whispered as they continued to listen to the announcer anxiously.

“The first survivor, in third place for the global votes, is Ni-ki.”

The 6 of them burst into smiles, clapping for the young trainee. Heeseung stole a look at K, who was looking beyond elated.

When Ni-ki emerged from the gate, a huge smile spread across his face and he couldn’t help jumping into the others’ arms, holding up his arms with elation.

His energy was infectious; the other I-Landers couldn’t help reciprocating, gathering him in their arms in a group hug.

 _He’s only 14,_ Heeseung remembered as he reached out to ruffle Ni-ki’s hair. _Despite everything, he’s still a kid._

The announcements continued. Their youngest friend, their adorable maknae Daniel was the second survivor, and he returned to I-Land with watery eyes and a sweet smile. Heeseung made sure to give him an especially tight hug.

The next survivor was, to everyone’s surprise, Sunoo. He ended up with the most votes of all and burst into tears upon his announcement.

Heeseung watched Ni-ki light up next to him, and when Sunoo shyly stepped out of the gate it was Ni-ki who approached him first with a tight embrace. Sunghoon, too, was beyond pleased– Heeseung knew that their Tom-and-Jerry dynamic betrayed their closeness. And even though he wasn’t the closest with the sunny trainee, he still felt proud knowing that the other deserved every vote he got.

Then it was the fourth survivor, and at this point, Heeseung’s heart was beginning to hammer in his chest because he wanted so badly for it to be–

“The next survivor is Lee Geonu.”

Immediately he and Jungwon erupted into cheers and applause, echoed by the other trainees surrounding them.

He couldn’t help the selfish thought that ran through his head. _Now all my closest friends are here._

And when Geonu stepped through the doorway, Heeseung was the first to run up, grabbing his hyung in a tight hug.

“You did it, you did it,” he cried elatedly, squeezing him briefly before stepping back so that Jungwon could leap into Geonu’s arms.

The trainees didn’t let go of Geonu until the announcer spoke up again, and even then there was an undercurrent of pleased excitement among them as he spoke.

“The fifth survivor is Ta-ki.”

Immediately Ni-ki burst into excited yells, overjoyed at the prospect of his childhood friend being right there to continue alongside him. K, too, broke out into the widest grin Heeseung had seen all day.

Heeseung, too, remembered how hard Ta-ki worked for the second test, how hard they had cried when he had left, and he couldn’t help the awed smile that spread across his face.

“Oh no, EJ-hyung,” Sunoo sighed, and Ni-ki reached out to give him a comforting side-hug.

When Ta-ki appeared in front of the gate, the three youngest ran to him first, smothering him in hugs before parting for K, who reached out and picked up the boy with a fond, fond grin.

“You did great,” he said, and his smile was so soft that Heeseung could feel his heart squeeze.

“Now we will be announcing our last survivor,” the announcer called.

Nicholas, Kyungmin, and Hanbin were called up as finalists. The knowledge that the rest of the trainees would be eliminated, however, hadn’t sunken in, and Heeseung could only wonder _who…?_

“The final survivor will be Hanbin.”

Heeseung allowed himself a brief moment to be happy for his perpetually smiling hyung before he faced the crushing realization that the other trainees were permanently eliminated from I-Land.

_Everyone…_

The atmosphere was suddenly somber as the remaining I-Landers headed back to the stage to say their final goodbyes to the eliminated trainees. 

And Heeseung told himself he wasn’t going to cry, was going to hold in his tears, but as soon as he wrapped his arms around a crying Seon, the lump in his throat grew.

“Thank you so much,” Seon whispered, and Heeseung sank against his hyung’s shuddering form.

At this point, all of the trainees were crying, and they still had tears on their faces when the announcer spoke once more.

“The 10 participants who were eliminated, please leave the space.”

The eliminated trainees stepped away, waving and saying their congratulations even as the door finally closed.

And suddenly, there were 12.

Heeseung watched as the younger trainees huddled together, clearly taking the farewells much harder than the older trainees. 

He wasn’t sure which trainee moved first, but everyone was soon gathered in one large group hug–of not just mourning and grief, but also celebration, relief.

They were the final 12. They were going to keep moving on the road to debut.

Heeseung closed his eyes.

It was a new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unrelated but can we talk about the nye live concert and how enha ATE (also the collab stage? heetae selfie? the bh 02z selfie??? bless)
> 
> also !!!! the bh japan group????? ta-ki, k, kyungmin, nicholas, ej getting the debut they deserve?????
> 
> (it makes writing their eliminations a little easier to bear)
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	12. interlude: jay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 3258043768 of PLEASE SAVE JAY FROM HIS DUMB FRIENDS. set during ch. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO and we're back to our regular weekly programming! this week is jay's interlude~ i had lots of fun writing this because jay is such a fun person to write!
> 
> hope you enjoy <3

Jay had never been a patient person.

Some said it was because of his foreign upbringing–in comparison to Korea, Western countries were aggressive, outspoken. Those early years in America were supposedly some of the most formative, after all.

Others cited his wealthy background. Jay wasn’t ignorant of some of the trainees back at BigHit that badmouthed him behind his back, calling him arrogant and privileged and a myriad of other names because of the money his parents made. He didn’t care–their words did hold some truth to them.

(The only time Jay got upset was when they used his privilege to discount his hard work. You couldn’t buy skill, after all.)

But Jay knew that even if he had been born to a lower-class family and lived in Korea his whole life, his pride would not disappear. It was simply a part of him, for better or for worse. He was grateful that his I-Land friends understood him, understood that he took any opportunity he wanted, and was unapologetic about it.

Which is why he just didn’t understand his best friends at _all._

He’d known Sunghoon for about two years, and Heeseung for over three. He was the first to know of their attraction toward one another. And frankly, they were so damn obvious that sometimes he wanted to throw up.

So then _why_ would they continue to pine blindly after one another when it was clear that their feelings were reciprocated? Couldn't they just go for it? Were they that oblivious?

(Yes, they were. Unfortunately.)

There were phases where there was so little progress between them that Jay began to doubt himself. Maybe his friends weren’t hopelessly crushing on each other. Jay’s intuition was good, but it wasn’t infallible. Could he have been wrong?

Then Heeseung’s hand would linger too long on Sunghoon’s shoulder, or Sunghoon would look over at him one too many times during practice, and Jay’s doubts would dissipate.

_Never mind. They’re as stupid as I thought._

It wasn’t until four weeks into shooting I-Land that Heeseung would finally care to tell Jay–you know, his _oldest friend who’d been there with him since their earliest days at Bighit_ –that he had feelings for Sunghoon, and even then he did it in such a roundabout, clumsy way that Jay just _knew_ the dumbass hadn’t even figured out what those feelings _were._ Jay knew Heeseung–knew that all that was in his head was music and dancing and performing because he was obsessed, and he shuddered to think what kind of mind-blowing revelations were going on in his best friend’s head.

It took an endless amount of cajoling and at least three heartfelt conversations at the training camp before Jay could finally get Heeseung to come to terms with his feelings for their friend. And then after figuring out _that_ whole can of worms, Heeseung went so overboard with his feelings that Jay was never going to wipe the vision of Heeseung _nuzzling_ Sunghoon like a fucking puppy out of his memory.

(God, when was Jay going to become of age? He wanted a drink _so_ badly.)

And it wasn’t like Jay didn’t try to talk to others about it. But K was just as confused as he was, his fellow 02 liners could only provide sympathy, and Jungwon, frustratingly, thought the whole scenario was rather adorable.

“I just think it’s sweet that they’re so comfortable and affectionate with each other,” he said, staring at the two with a fond smile.

Jay gave his dongsaeng a look of mild disgust. “They’ve been blindly pining over each other for almost _two years_ without an inch of progress, and you don’t find that frustrating at all?”

“It just shows how devoted they are to each other!” Jungwon chirped.

“Jungwonie, I feel like you’re taking the joke about them being your parents a little _too_ seriously.”

Jungwon had let out a giggle at that. “Maybe so, but you have to admit that it’s nice to see that they make each other so happy.”

“Even though they still haven’t actually gotten together,” Jay grumbled under his breath.

But behind his gripes and complaints, Jay cared way too much for his friends. And he was going to get them together, goddammit, because he knew it would make them happy.

“Ready for Part 2?” Jake asked with a grin as they waited for the shoot to begin.

Jay stole a look at Heeseung and Sunghoon, who were unsubtly brushing fingers as they got ready. 

_Do they think they’re being subtle–?_

He let out a sigh.

It was going to be a long, _long_ month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is where the drama finally comes back because part 2 is honestly kind of a trainwreck for everyone involved if we're being honest
> 
> (also so so so proud of enha getting their THIRD ROTY ??? LIKE ??? WHO IS DOING IT LIKE THEM)


	13. the (first of many) rankings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys are ranked, and heeseung learns a little about leadership.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls out of grave* helLO
> 
> yes it's been so fucking long (almost a month) I'm so sorry ;w; writers block and personal projects took up a lot of time. but i'm here now with an extra-long chapter! 
> 
> writing again after so long has made my style a bit disjoint so ;-; i hope you all still enjoy!

After saying their goodbyes to the departing trainees, Heeseung figured that the remaining trainees would get a break to at least regain their bearings. Maybe they’d be able to unpack their bags or tour the facilities with the trainees who were unfamiliar with I-Land, or _something._

But of course, they couldn’t be that lucky.

“Congratulations to the 12 I-Landers who have made it to Part 2 of I-Land.”

The trainees clapped proudly at that, only to be abruptly startled as virtual banners swept down over the screen above them.

Jungwon looked up at the banners, the numbers 1-12 on them. “What’s this?”

“Do the numbers mean anything?” Jay wondered, putting his arm around Sunghoon.

“Maybe it means our parts?” Sunghoon replied.

“Maybe…”

Part 2 felt different. As he stared at the numbers posted on the chairs and the banners hanging overhead, Heeseung suddenly had a terrifying realization.

_They’re rankings. We’re being ranked._

There was no way to confirm his suspicions until the voice started to speak again.

“In I-Land Part 2, a debut unit will be decided. Out of 4 total tests, the 1st and 3rd tests will be decided by the producer’s choice, while the 2nd and 4th tests will be decided by the global viewers’ voting.”

Heeseung sucked in a breath. _Global votes again._

“I didn’t know they would decide everything with global votings,” Sunghoon groaned.

“The final test is decided by global votes,” Jungwon observed nervously.

The trainees all looked among themselves, nervously gauging one another's reactions. The panic that had subsided during the training camp returned in full force. 

_How am I supposed to appeal to viewers that I’ve never seen?_ Heeseung wondered, before pausing and looking at the others carefully.

_Is this how the Grounders must have felt during the last test?_

Suddenly he found himself admiring the trainees who had been voted into Part 2. To have this horrible, nerve-wracking fear always in the back of their minds, even during the training camp… Heeseung wasn’t sure if he would have been able to bear it.

“Only the 7 participants who survive all of the tests will be debuting as global idols in 2020.”

Heeseung’s heart began to hammer. _Only 7…?_

Sunoo and Hanbin giggled in nervous anticipation, but Heeseung felt more like Daniel, who only tilted his head back with a heavy sigh.

“Part 2 is no longer a shared destiny, but a complete individual competition.”

At this, Jungwon’s hand slipped off of Jake’s shoulder.

Heeseung’s heart sank. All of the camaraderie that they had built up as a team would once again be corroded by the fierce competition to debut, and unlike part 1 they really didn’t have any motivation to maintain their closeness.

“According to the test results, the rankings from 1 to 12 will be announced. The I-Lander who fails to receive the choice of the producers and global fans will be eliminated.”

Heeseung was right. They _were_ rankings. And they were so much worse than what he had imagined.

-

Continuing, the voice explained the benefits of ranking higher, as well as the badges that the top 7 would wear as proof of their “debuting” status. Heeseung could only half listen and nod numbly along, mind far too preoccupied with all the extra worries that they had suddenly been burdened with.

_I have to be really careful now, make sure none of my expressions are unsuitable for the camera. I don’t know if many people would even vote for me. And now it’s up to them, and the producers, so I know I should work doubly hard–_

_“Hyung.”_

Someone on Heeseung’s side poked him, and he zoned in just as the voice spoke. 

“Now, we will announce your ranking according to the first global voting.”

Heeseung couldn’t help letting out a nervous sigh.

_Knew it._

He saw Hanbin, Sunoo, and Jungwon giggle nervously while Sunghoon turned to the others with a nervous look on his face. 

“Ah, what am I going to do?” Jay mumbled. Heeseung had to agree with his sentiment.

And then, with surprisingly little fanfare, the rankings were announced one by one.

#12, Hanbin. #11, Geonu. (Heeseung winced at that.) #10, Ta-ki. #9, Ni-ki. 

Each ranking felt a little surprising to Heeseung. It somehow felt _wrong,_ thinking about ranking all of his friends when he knew they were all equally deserving of top spots. None of them deserved such low ranks.

_But even if they don’t deserve low ranks, someone else will have to get that rank._

It was frustrating, to say the least.

Then at #8, Jake.

Heeseung’s eyes widened, as did everyone else’s. Unconsciously, they all turned to face Jake, who moved to stick his nameplate onto his chair in silence. Sunghoon’s eyes were wide and panicked as he searched his friend’s expression.

While half of Heeseung was occupied with honest surprise at Jake’s low ranking, the other half of him couldn’t help but feel the tiniest amount of relief that he had made it into the top 7. Even better, Jungwon, Jay, and Sunghoon had made it with him.

And there was definitely no denying the pride that swelled in Heeseung’s chest as Jungwon moved to the chair labeled _7_ , a shiny gold pin attached snugly to his vest.

Jay was next at number 6, and Heeseung couldn’t help but to reach over and slap his back in congratulations. It was gratifying to know that his best friend, despite all his worries, received the global votes that he deserved.

Then K was at number 5. Honestly, Heeseung should have been surprised, but he had grown so numb to feeling shocked at the rankings that he wasn’t really sure if there would be a time where he _wasn’t_ reeling in astonishment.

“4th place, Sunghoon.”

Heeseung’s eyes shone with pride as Sunghoon moved to get his badge. However, he couldn’t help but notice the tense atmosphere, until he looked up at the rankings and– _oh._

Only he, Daniel, and Sunoo were left.

Next to him, the two remaining trainees looked anxious. Daniel kept fidgeting, curling in on himself to somehow shrink his tall frame, and Sunoo kept his eyes fixed at the screen, not daring to look at the others’ faces.

Well. If he was being honest, Heeseung understood their nervousness. No one had expected the rankings to go this way. 

_You’ve seen how hard Jungwon and Jake and Geonu have worked, so do Daniel and Sunoo_ really _deserve–_

Heeseung immediately shook the thought out of his head. Even though he had only been able to see them during the training camp, he was sure that Daniel and Sunoo had worked extra hard in Ground, which must have been why they were able to garner so many fans. As their hyung, there was no way he could let his preexisting bias affect his opinion of them.

“3rd place. With 1,006,975 votes, Lee Heeseung.”

Heeseung nodded. That was _way_ more votes than he had ever expected, and honestly, getting into the top 3 was wild enough on its own. 

Still, it would have been nice to rank first.

_I’ll just work harder to get to the top._

He made his way to his seat, only to meet the flabbergasted gaze of the other trainees. Jungwon was openly gaping, while Jay and Sunghoon stared at him with wide eyes. Even Daniel and Sunoo’s expressions were a mix of surprise and apprehension.

_Why are they so surprised?_

With the atmosphere much tenser than before, the trainees watched as Daniel ranked second and Sunoo took the first spot, both trainees cautiously putting on their badges before taking their seats. There was a prolonged, awkward silence before the announcer’s voice echoed above and broke the tension.

“Now, the first test of Part 2 will be revealed.”

The trainees, grateful for any reason to break the tension, perked up with excitement.

The test would break the twelve trainees up into three units. What piqued Heeseung’s interest was that the unit with the highest total score would be safe from elimination. He would do anything to keep himself in the show for just a little longer.

“If the lowest ranking I-Lander is among the first placing unit, the next rank I-Lander will be eliminated.”

Well. That was somewhat worrying. But Heeseung had no plans to rank that low, and he’d definitely try to bring his team to the top. Besides, the test was being ranked by the producers, and Heeseung was much more confident in the producer tests. With the producers, he knew what to expect and knew what they were expecting of him. He had no such insurance with the global fans.

“The producers will be selecting one person to eliminate.”

Ah, so that was how it was. The lowest ranking person would be eliminated with each test, and the lowest two at the end, to make seven finalists.

Heeseung had no time to further stress about the semantics of Part 2 because the songs they were to perform were revealed right afterward.

“BTS.”

The trainees all lit up at that announcement, any fragments of tension from earlier gone. In the rush of excitement, the screen above them suddenly switched to a video of their common room, and suddenly BTS was _there_ on the screen in front of them. The silence was completely replaced by yells of excitement, because _the_ biggest group in the world was sitting right there, on the same seats that they had sat on every day during part 1.

“Is this real?” Sunghoon mumbled, eyes glued to the screen. Ni-ki was practically vibrating with excitement. 

All of the trainees were familiar with BTS–hell, they even inspired some of them to audition for I-Land–and Heeseung could finally relax a little as he observed everyone’s excitement. He had only caught glimpses of them at the company, having joined BigHit only after they had really blown up in Korea and globally. But all of the staff at BigHit only had praise for their manners and skill, and their fans had touted them as incredibly talented, comforting people.

Heeseung watched as his friends’ faces lit up at the group’s words, staring enraptured at the screen as J-Hope spoke about the size of I-Land and Jin complimented the practice room. They looked so natural despite the unfamiliar environment, cheerfully laughing and talking about the place that the trainees now called home.

The fans and the staff were right. BTS _exuded_ comfort. 

Even as they got more serious, talking about the details of the three different song choices that the trainees could pick from (Fake Love, DNA, and I Need U; Heeseung would weigh those options later), they still spoke with kindness, explaining their own troubles and going over the bits that they thought were most important. 

Heeseung listened closely, making sure to take in every last detail. Anything and everything their sunbaenims said could be useful for their own performances, and there was no way Heeseung wouldn’t take the opportunity to learn all that he could.

_It seems that Fake Love will be the most difficult to perform. I wonder what the mini-mission to decide our units will be._

All too quickly, BTS signed off with well wishes, and the video ended. Immediately, the revolving door began to turn, alerting the trainees.

“Is someone...is someone coming?” Heeseung found himself blurting.

 _It wouldn’t be BTS, right?_ he thought wildly, before the logical part of him refuted the thought.

The door finally swung open, revealing two choreographers that Heeseung recognized from BigHit, Son Seungduk and Bae Yoonjung. 

The trainees all sagged over (with relief or disappointment or both), before immediately remembering their manners and standing up to bow to the two adults. 

Heeseung looked over at Sunghoon, Jay, and Jungwon. Jungwon looked a little nervous, and Jay and Sunghoon glanced at each other. 

Director Son, having choreographed many of BigHit’s most iconic dances, had a reputation for being very dedicated and a little intimidating in his love for his craft. And Heeseung had seen Bae Yoonjung on TV, had an inkling of her strict personality.

_This will be interesting…_

The other trainees had clearly heard about the two’s reputations as well, because everyone was almost uncomfortably silent when they spoke. 

“Are they always this quiet?” Bae Yoonjung asked Director Son jokingly, and it somewhat broke the tension enough that it wasn’t unbearable.

“Relax, I’m not here to scold you,” she said, addressing the trainees. “Don’t be scared.”

The trainees pretended to relax, but shared glances. _That is...not reassuring at all._

“The mini-mission for the BTS test is a dance battle between the I-Landers,” Director Son stated. 

The trainees reacted with varying levels of excitement. Heeseung watched Jungwon visibly wince.

“Take some time to catch your breath, then we’ll warm-up for the dance battle,” the director suggested, catching how overwhelmed they looked.

The trainees smiled gratefully and relaxed. Heeseung and Sunghoon gravitated towards where Jay and Jungwon sat instinctively.

“So these are our rankings, huh,” Jay mused, staring at the circle of chairs, some of which were abandoned by trainees standing up to stretch and talk amongst themselves.

Jungwon nodded. “I didn’t even expect that we’d be ranked.”

Sunghoon sighed. “Ah, it really makes things so complicated. It makes the fact that some of us will be eliminated so much more real.”

Heeseung didn’t miss how Sunghoon glanced at where Jake was chatting with Sunoo and Ni-ki.

“I’m glad we all got debut badges, though,” he finally said with a half-hearted smile. 

“I’ll make sure I hold onto mine,” Jungwon said, a determined glint in his eyes.

“Still not sure how you only got 7th place,” Jay mumbled under his breath. “Doesn’t make sense.”

“Right?” Heeseung added. “Our Jungwonie surely deserves all the votes in the world.”

“Stop,” Jungwon groaned, his ears turning red.

“Why? Us hyungs are right,” Sunghoon laughed, grabbing Jungwon in a brief embrace.

Jungwon giggled despite himself, tugging Jay’s sleeve and grabbing Heeseung with his other arm to force the two of them into the hug.

Even though it was supposed to be a playful group hug, a lump formed in Heeseung’s throat that only grew as the four of them drew closer, their debut badges clinking against their vests.

_I’m so relieved._

And maybe the others picked up on his relief too, because they didn’t let go for a long while.

-

(Warming up for the dance battles was the perfect time for the trainees to ease up as they playfully tried out different moves with one another.

Heeseung and Jay, having learned some freestyle dance at BigHit, were swarmed by the other trainees as they attempted to try popping. 

Heeseung in particular stood in front of the mirror for a while, moving fluidly and rhythmically to a silent beat. It was hard to imagine that he had once been terrible at dancing (as he self-proclaimed), not when he could move so smoothly and effortlessly, his expression scrutinizing–

“You’re staring,” Jake hissed upon noticing Sunghoon’s cease in movement.

“Shut up,” Sunghoon muttered, but he was so distracted that his words had no bite.)

-

“The top three winners will get to choose which BTS song to perform to, as well as their team members. So everyone, try your best.”

“Who here feels confident in dancing?” Bae Yoonjung asked.

Sunghoon turned to Heeseung with a teasing grin. “I want to see Heeseung-hyung vs. Jungwon.”

Heeseung tried and failed to hide his amusement.

“How about it?” Jake egged Jungwon on with a smile.

“Heeseung-hyung is too good,” Jungwon replied sheepishly.

After a lull in which everyone was too shy to volunteer, Jay finally walked to the center, confident as always. _Leave it to Jay to step up first._

Jay chose to face off with Ni-ki, giving the younger trainee a confident grin. “I’ve always wanted to do a dance-off with you,” he said.

Ni-ki grinned widely.

“Let’s go, let’s go,” Heeseung cheered, grinning with anticipation.

“Music, start!”

Both boys danced with skill and fervor, equally matched in spirit. The atmosphere began to turn heated, everyone earnestly considering their own freestyle performances.

_I do think Jay and Ni-ki are both really good freestyle dancers. K-hyung, too, I think he’d do well. And judging by how Jungwon matched with us so quickly while we did freestyle at BigHit, I bet he’d dance well too._

Jungwon didn’t disappoint–when he faced off against Daniel, his movements were smooth and well-crafted, each move perfectly isolated as he popped to the beat. He finished off with a shy smile, as if he had no knowledge of his own abilities.

Sunghoon and Jake were up next. Sunghoon had _that_ grin on his face–the one he wore when he wasn’t confident in his skills but was probably going to do amazing anyways.

And–oh.

Of _course_ he did fantastic.

He danced with a sort of nervous desperation that would have been detrimental if he didn’t have the strong background to back him up, cleaning out his moves and giving him an elegant sharpness that was so distinctly Park Sunghoon and Heeseung–

Heeseung couldn’t look away, not as Sunghoon forced Jake to maneuver around him, not as he imitated a shotgun and pretended to shoot twice, not as how the proud smirk on his face only grew as he danced.

“You did really well,” he praised as Sunghoon walked out of the circle. Sunghoon responded with a bright smile.

 _Oh my God I’m in love with you,_ Heeseung thought.

_Wait._

Heeseung thought he had opened all of the cans of worms in his heart at this point, but _apparently_ not.

“What am I going to do…” he mumbled aloud.

Sunghoon, completely misinterpreting the meaning to his statement, reached out to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Hyung, you’re a great dancer.”

“I’m really not,” Heeseung said almost reflexively. Sunghoon only smiled knowingly and rubbed his back.

He ended up facing Ta-ki, whose wide eyes were full of innocent expectation, and internally prayed that he wouldn’t screw up.

Luckily, he managed to dance well, movements as smooth as he could make them. The other trainees seemed to be especially excited, Jay even yelling out “Freestyle master~” to egg him on.

Then Ta-ki danced, and even though it was his first time, he freestyled with skill and flair, earning the cheers of the other trainees. He ended his routine with a smile that was so _adorable_ that Heeseung couldn’t help but reach out and tug him into a hug.

“You did great,” he laughed, and Ta-ki positively beamed.

The places were announced, with Jungwon in third place (Heeseung was just _so damn proud_ of his dongsaeng), K in second place, and to everyone’s surprise, Ta-ki in first place.

With a wide, proud smile, Ni-ki pushed Ta-ki forward so that he could profusely thank the two choreographers. Seeing them, Heeseung was once again reminded of just how young they were.

After the choreographers left, the I-Landers were instructed to head back to their seats as the voice once again reverberated around the room.

“The top 3 will be the leader of each unit.”

_So Ta-ki, K-hyung, and Jungwonie will be leading units, huh._

Ta-ki, as first rank, had the choice of choosing his team members or his unit song.

“Heeseungie-hyung,” he blurted, and Heeseung couldn’t help but feel a little touched at how eagerly Ta-ki chose him.

“I choose Sunghoonie-hyung, also,” Ta-ki continued. Sunghoon looked over at Heeseung, a slight smile on his face, and Heeseung _had_ to reach over and clasp their hands.

“And...Sunoo-hyung,” he finished. 

It was a solid team, really, but Heeseung couldn’t help letting out a regretful sigh as he realized they would be performing Fake Love. The song was extraordinarily difficult, and even if their team was made up of good performers, it would be hard to perform the song well.

“It’s got a lot of high notes,” Sunghoon fretted.

“Exactly,” Heeseung sighed.

_I don’t even know if we can all hit some of those notes. Ta-ki... what are you thinking?_

But seeing Ta-ki’s eyes grow large and worried, Heeseung didn’t have the heart to admonish him.

_Guess I’ll just have to push us forward._

-

The trainees took a brief respite from the tension as BTS, being who they were, left a mountain of presents in the common room that left even the most composed trainees fanboying. And then, as if the gifts weren’t enough, the members even offered to give the I-Landers advice.

“First one! Lee Heeseung!” Jungkook announced.

Heeseung could feel himself break into a grin. _They know my name._

“He’s trained longer,” J-Hope added. “He’s been training for over three years.”

_Holy shit they even know how long I’ve been a trainee-_

“Then he must be pretty good,” Suga said.

Jake whacked his back with a large smile. “Damn right.”

V was the one to read out his concern with a matter-of-fact tone. “Coming to I-Land and living in a dorm for the first time, even when I’m not the leader, I end up in situations where I need to help the leader, and I’ve learned a lot about the importance of leadership in order to build a good team. What is good leadership that can benefit everyone?”

“He’s actually thinking about this?” RM asked, awed. “Daebak.”

“He’ll make it big,” J-Hope laughed. “He’s so thoughtful.”

Heeseung had to tamp down his smile, and next to him Jungwon giggled at his attempt to hide his pride.

“The fact that he’s already thinking about this...I feel that he already has leadership in his heart,” RM continued. “Someone has to do it, but the person who can stand up again has good leadership.”

“There’s no real benefit to being the leader, but you have a lot of responsibility,” Suga snorted.

“So the team members have to help out as well,” RM finished.

The other trainees around Heeseung nodded in agreement, and the sentiment loosened the tight knot in his chest.

Suga took a second look at his concern. “This sentence...It’s good that you want to help everyone, but when you try to help everyone, you end up being miserable yourself.”

Ah. Heeseung felt seen. Jungwon gave him a knowing look.

“I think it’d be good for you to shake off that mindset a little bit,” Suga suggested.

Heeseung nodded. The focus shifted on Daniel, whose concern was next on the list, but he could only half-listen. With the unit test weighing in the back of his mind and the assistance he would no doubt have to lend to Ta-ki, he had been given a lot to consider. 

Next to him, Jungwon also looked lost in thought, having taken in RM and Suga’s words as well. Heeseung remembered that Jungwon would also have to act as leader for the BTS test. His dongsaeng was pushing himself out of his shell.

Yes. There was much to think about.

-

(Upon seeing the room for ranks 1, 2, and 3, Heeseung couldn’t help but gape at the massage chair, the arcade, the snacks...

_So many new benefits…_

Sunghoon leaned back against Heeseung as they sat on Heeseung’s bed, watching as Sunoo excitedly fussed with the bed controls.

“Hey, hyung, if you ever get rank 1, could I try your bed for a night?” he teased.

“You’d have to sleep with me,” Heeseung joked.

“Deal.”

_Did he actually just say that?_

Heeseung stole a quick look at Jay, who was sitting across from them, and the disgusted look on his face reassured him that yes, Sunghoon had just said that.

Well. Fake Love was hard, but surely he’d manage to make something good out of it. It wasn’t like he was going to aim for first place _just_ for the bed, but it was a nice incentive, wasn’t it?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> incentives, huh? ;)
> 
> unrelated but en-connect was literally the best thing gave me so much serotonin i cried when they cried i laughed when they laughed i love my enha boys so fucking much


	14. the leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heeseung helps his struggling dongsaeng.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hops into ao3* hey wassup
> 
> another very slow update hhhh but it's also almost double the length of a normal chapter so i hope that makes up for it
> 
> fair warning: i think these chapters will continue to be this length, so expect updates to be almost monthly rather than weekly or biweekly
> 
> (also i'm writing for in bloom so my attention will be split until may)
> 
> but anyways. i hope you enjoy!

After surveying their rooms, the trainees were given time to practice. 

The Fake Love team reviewed the song again, and Heeseung winced at the impressively high vocals their sunbaenims had to pull off.

“The vocal range is super high,” he pointed out after they had finished watching.

“And every part…” Sunghoon trailed off.

“Every part has to sing high,” Heeseung finished his thought.

“They all have it,” Sunoo sighed.

“It’s a bit…” Heeseung paused, forming his sentences as gently as possible, “...concerning.”

He flicked his gaze toward Ta-ki, the others following suit, and they all stared at their youngest. 

_This is your chance to lead._

The boy looked nervous, staring at the ground shyly, and finally, Sunghoon broke the silence with a slight grin. 

“Ta-ki, we also have to sing the high notes,” Sunghoon smiled helplessly, finding a cruel irony in the fact that two of the trainees with the lowest voice registers had the song with the highest parts.

“Love you–” Ta-ki tried to sing one of the lines, only to flinch at his voice crack. He tried again, but unsuccessfully. “I should warm up,” he giggled sheepishly.

Sunghoon’s responding chuckle was on the edge of desperation, and even Sunoo’s kind smile was strained.

In a rare moment of uncharacteristic immaturity, perhaps somewhat spurred by the evident frustration on his teammate’s faces, Heeseung couldn’t help but mumble. “To be honest, if we had DNA or I Need U, it would have been better.”

He regretted his words when Ta-ki nodded guiltily, expression downcast.

Sunghoon made a face at him. _Oi, change the subject._

“–So!” Heeseung blurted. “What’s our plan for today?”

“Ah, yes!” Ta-ki sat up to attention. “Today, let’s finalize...decide on our parts.”

Despite the tension still lingering in the air, Heeseung couldn’t help chuckling amusedly at Ta-ki’s slip of the tongue.

There was a pause as Ta-ki lingered over the parts before sitting up with an awkward smile.

“Um… Well, part 1 is the most important, so…” he finally said, fidgeting nervously.

Sunoo smiled encouragingly. “You must have chosen us with a plan in mind.”

Ta-ki nodded, but it was clear that Sunoo’s encouragement had not helped much. Worriedly, Sunoo turned to the others with a nervous grin, and Sunghoon gave Heeseung a slight nudge.

“Then what if we all share which parts we want?” Heeseung suggested, shooting Ta-ki a reassuring grin. “You can go first.”

With Heeseung’s encouragement, the parts were sorted out rather easily.

“Looking at the intro,” Heeseung pondered over the tablet and glanced at Sunghoon, “Since you’ve done modern dance, I think you can pull it off. Sunghoonie, you can do part 1.”

Sunghoon lit up. “Thanks, hyung.”

“That was easy,” Sunoo said, grinning, and Ta-ki cheered quietly.

The three of them shone so brightly with joy that Heeseung almost had to look away.

“Anyways, Mr. Leader, you’ve gotta do this kind of stuff,” Heeseung teased, handing the tablet back to Ta-ki, who nodded eagerly.

“I got it,” Ta-ki grinned, encouraged by Heeseung’s demonstration.

Maybe things would work out. Surely they would.

-

Never mind.

Whatever positive thoughts Heeseung had towards the BTS test were gone.

Fake Love was _impossible._

Heeseung had never performed such a difficult song before. The notes were impossibly high, especially with the level of energy that was required from the dance. Though the Fake Love team had time to practice a little before the end of the day, they spent so much time individually rehearsing that Heeseung was almost certain that their performance for feedback the next day would be horribly disjoint.

“I’m going to head up,” Heeseung finally sighed after a draining final run of the session.

“I’ll join you, hyung,” Ta-ki said, looking terribly exhausted.

Sunoo hesitantly looked between them before turning to Sunghoon. “Um, hyung, is it okay if we run the melody a couple more times before we go?”

“Sure,” Sunghoon smiled kindly before turning to Heeseung. “Meet me in the yellow room?”

Heeseung nodded and leaned in, brushing a light peck over Sunghoon’s forehead. “Don’t strain your voice.”

Sunghoon nodded, face red, and Heeseung headed up to the bathrooms without a single thought on what he had just done.

-

(Heeseung was quietly conversing with Jay and K in the yellow room when Sunghoon opened the door, hair damp and a towel on his shoulders. 

“K-hyung, Heeseung-hyung, Jay,” he nodded to them in greeting. He moved to the dresser, tousling his hair with the towel, and the hem of his tee rode up just barely against his stomach, exposing a sliver of pale skin–

Good _lord._ If the idol thing didn’t work out Heeseung privately decided he would have to become a monk or something.)

-

The trainees were eating in the pantry the following morning. Heeseung yawned, still sleepy as he reached for a box of cereal; despite his exhaustion from practice the night before, he, Sunghoon, Jay, and K had stayed up rather late talking and speculating about the test. It was nice to sit with the other older trainees, complain and talk freely without worrying about having to set a good example for the younger trainees.

They had been continuing their conversation with Jungwon, Heeseung lingering at the edge of the pantry while the others sat around the table, when Ta-ki shuffled into the room sleepily. K immediately reached over to pull him into his lap with a grin. 

“Good morning, hyungs,” Ta-ki chirped.

They all echoed a chorus of “good morning”, smiling at the trainee.

 _“But no matter our worries,”_ Heeseung had cautioned the night before, _“I refuse to hold this against Ta-ki. He’s young, and the amount of pressure he must be under is immense.”_

 _“We have to support him,”_ K had agreed with a nod.

Together, they had reached a consensus, and it was evident in how Ta-ki was being coddled. 

“What were you guys talking about?” Ta-ki asked unknowingly.

“Oh, just the test and stuff,” Sunghoon said vaguely.

“Ta-ki’s selections yesterday were amazing,” K said with a grin. And even if they were being as nice to Ta-ki as possible, K’s words were the truth.

“I agree,” Jungwon nodded with a smile.

“A strategist,” Jay added. “Your vision! It was awesome.”

Though the praise was meant to be aimed towards Ta-ki’s leadership, Heeseung couldn’t help but feel touched at the faith his friends had in his team. Judging by the pleasant surprise on Sunghoon’s face, the latter hadn’t been expecting this either.

“Though truthfully, the strongest team is your team,” Sunghoon said, pointing to Jay with a grin. 

“Sure,” Jay said with a small, smug grin.

Sunghoon had a point. DNA had K and Ni-ki, easily the strongest dancers out of the trainees, and Hanbin and Jay were also forces to be reckoned with. They would no doubt pull off a stellar performance.

Heeseung saw the smile on Jungwon’s face fade somewhat. He left his bowl on the counter, moving around the table to wrap his arms around Jungwon’s shoulder.

“Of course, the I Need U team is going to be hard to beat as well,” he sang. “Especially with our Jungwonie leading them.”

The others nodded resolutely. “That’s right, Jungwon will surely do great things,” Jay agreed.

Heeseung felt Jungwon relax slightly, and he smiled secretly from above his dongsaeng.

-

Because of the difficulty of the BTS test, the trainees were scheduled to receive many more check-ins by the producers, in order to make sure they were on the right track and to provide additional guidance if necessary.

But it seemed that the directors really enjoyed making the trainees suffer because their first check-in was scheduled to be the day after their teams were decided.

Suffice to say, the check-in went absolutely terribly.

 _“You’re too fast!”_ Director Son snapped, eyebrows pinched with irritation. “You’re offbeat!”

Sunoo’s face was scrunched up in both anxiousness and concentration, and it was clear that he was beginning to panic a little. Ta-ki, the poor kid, was on the verge of tears, and even Sunghoon’s normally flawless poker face was cracking.

“Turn it off,” Director Son finally sighed. Heeseung winced internally.

After harshly criticizing Ta-ki’s dancing and leadership, Director Son gave them specific feedback before sweeping his gaze over the other three trainees. “Keep practicing,” he finally admonished. “Your sunbaenims gave you precious advice, so you had better not waste it.”

With that curt statement, he left with Doobu, leaving them to their own devices.

Without the source of tension, Sunoo immediately collapsed with a sigh. Ta-ki joined him on the floor numbly, and the older reached over to give him a side hug. Heeseung stayed to the side, contemplating, and Sunghoon easily slid next to him with a tired smile.

“Thinking about RM-sunbaenim’s advice?” he asked.

Heeseung nodded. Sunghoon had always known Heeseung to an almost telepathic degree, and Heeseung was never good at hiding his thoughts anyway.

“I’m just not sure…” He stared at Ta-ki still on the ground, and his eyebrows furrowed. “Where should I step in? When should I stay out? How much help should I give him?”

Sunghoon hummed, looking thoughtful. “It’s only been a day,” he said. “Being a leader takes some getting used to, so you never know. It might get easier as we go.”

Heeseung had thought the same, but it was nice to get reassurance that his train of thought wasn’t somehow irresponsible.

“And this might be selfish,” Sunghoon continued, “but I know how you are. You’ll end up sacrificing something to help him because that’s what you’ve always done. So I’d like to… I don’t know, push it back or something. Save it for later.”

Heeseung stared at Sunghoon, a wave of affection sweeping through him. 

_What did I do to deserve your friendship?_

Before he could blurt out something that would no doubt be embarrassing, Heeseung forced himself to turn toward the two boys on the ground. “Well, you heard Director Son,” he announced. “Let’s run the chorus again.”

Sunoo sighed dramatically, turning to Ta-ki. “Do we _have_ to, Leader-nim?”

Ta-ki puffed out his chest, no doubt because Sunoo had called him “leader-nim”, and nodded. “Hyung is right. We should practice and keep improving.”

The boy was surprisingly resilient. Heeseung was glad he hadn’t been too disheartened by Director Son’s harsh words. Maybe Sunghoon was right, it would just take a little bit of time before Ta-ki grew into his leadership position naturally.

-

Progress was slow.

Ta-ki was trying his best to lead, but he was still having trouble picking up on the moves and obviously was not in a position to teach others, leaving the group in disarray.

Heeseung found himself stepping up to assist Ta-ki. Just as Sunghoon had feared, whether it was for the dance, the singing, or leadership, he found himself buried with responsibilities as the surrogate leader. He held no grudge towards Ta-ki–such responsibilities as a leader, Heeseung was quickly deciding, shouldn’t have been given to the youngest, most inexperienced trainee in the group. But it meant that Heeseung had to expend even more energy worrying over his dongsaeng.

The one nice thing was that Sunoo and Sunghoon were there to support the team, the former readily becoming the cheerful mood maker and the latter working with Heeseung on the gritty parts of leading. The three of them carefully helped Ta-ki through the piece, correcting him gently and easing him through. Heeseung was endlessly grateful for their assistance.

“Really, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he mumbled into Sunghoon’s sheets one night. “My savior.”

“Hyung, stop,” Sunghoon groaned at his theatrics, hitting him with a pillow.

Jungwon giggled, but his expression was thoughtful. “I’m glad you guys can work together to support each other. I do wonder how Ta-ki’s going to hit those notes.”

Jay sighed. “Man, that time of puberty is the worst. I remember when my voice was cracking all over the place–”

The door to the yellow room opened and K stepped in, moving to his bed. “Hey, just grabbing some clothes,” he said, waving slightly.

Heeseung greeted him back but didn’t fail to notice how Jay had tensed as soon as K had entered the room, only relaxing when he left.

Jungwon noticed as well, and as soon as K shut the door behind him, he turned to Jay, eyes wide with concern. “Did something happen, hyung?”

Jay looked around to confirm that the door was closed shut before turning back to them, face serious. “K-hyung yelled at Ni-ki earlier. I was just worried he might still be a little upset from that.”

“Really?” Heeseung had always thought the two of them had been pretty close.

“Yeah, because Ni-ki was being a little obstinate, and I think K-hyung has been under a bit of pressure because of it,” Jay sighed. “And Hanbin-hyung and I can’t really do much in this situation. Normally we’d meditate, but since those two are so close it just doesn’t feel right to meddle.”

Heeseung frowned. “Yeah, I get what you mean.”

“I really hope our performance doesn’t get worse as a result,” Jay mumbled.

“What about your group, Jungwonie?” Sunghoon asked.

Jungwon leaned back, resting his head on Jay’s shoulder. “We’re fine,” he sighed.

“Fine…?” Heeseung prompted.

“Yeah, that’s just it,” Jungwon said. “We have consistent progress, but none of us are really stand-out performers and it shows in our performance.”

“Yah, don’t say that,” Jay said, ruffling Jungwon’s hair. “All four of you guys are great performers.”

“...I’m just glad we don’t have any major problems.”

“I bet it’s because you’re the leader,” Sunghoon replied.

“That’s why RM-sunbaenim gave you the cacti,” Heeseung joked.

Jungwon smiled half-heartedly, and they fell into a solemn silence.

“Ah, really, who would have thought this test would be so hard?” Jay said to no one.

The four of them let out collective sighs.

-

But soon the day of the midpoint check-in arrived, becoming Ta-ki’s first true test as a leader. In front of the person who had choreographed the songs they would be performing, no less. When the director asked the leaders to speak, Heeseung could feel his stomach curl from secondhand anxiety.

“Um. I’ve never been a leader before,” Ta-ki mumbled. “There have been challenging parts, but it’s going well thanks to Heeseungie-hyung’s and Sunghoonie-hyung’s help.”

Both of them smiled at that. Heeseung likened the feeling to watching a son grow up, and judging by Sunghoon’s proud expression, he felt the same.

The director then asked who they were most threatened by, and both the DNA and Fake Love teams were quick to say one another. Director Son turned to Jungwon, an amused glint in his eye.

“These two teams don’t feel very threatened by the I Need U team. What do you think about that?”

Jungwon responded immediately. “It’ll be even more impressive if we can go beyond their expectations, so we’re just quietly practicing hard to show them just that.”

The pride in Heeseung’s heart swelled tenfold.

They then had the teams each perform one at a time in front of the other trainees and the producers. The DNA team went first, and despite doing pretty well (in Heeseung’s opinion) they ended up getting rather disappointing criticism from Director Son. 

_Man, if they did that well and still were met with a bad review, I can’t even imagine what they’ll say to us._

Soon it was the Fake Love team’s turn to perform, and–well. It wasn’t...awful, there were signs that they had practiced, but Heeseung took a fleeting glance at their positions and winced. _Not great._

When they finished, Director Son’s look of disappointment was telling. Heeseung prepared himself for the wave of criticism that was to follow.

“Ah…this team is horrible,” the director finally sighed, and Heeseung flinched. Next to him, Sunghoon bit his lip, Sunoo shrank inside himself, and Ta-ki swallowed.

“Your performance was awful,” he continued, not bothering to mince his words. “It’s so visible how unprepared you are. I could tell from your expressions–they’re not there.”

He was right. Heeseung couldn’t even remember what expression he was making when he danced.

“What are you trying to show? What are you trying to convey? I didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t focus. And Ta-ki-yah…”

_Oh no._

“You did the worst here.” 

Ta-ki nodded numbly.

“You’re the only one without a badge and you’re the leader.”

“...Yes,” the boy mumbled.

With each word, Heeseung could feel the tension mount in the room. “I can tell you don’t have confidence. You can’t catch up with their energy. You can’t follow the beat, can’t follow the moves. Ta-ki, you’ll never get a badge like this.”

Heeseung stole a glance at Ta-ki’s shrinking form.

“And you three,” Director Son snapped, turning to them. “The performance was disappointing. Your skills aren’t deserving of that badge.”

That stung.

All of those hours of practicing, of straining their voices and limbs to scrape together a performance in three days, meant nothing to the director. Yet Heeseung couldn’t even find it in himself to be petulant, knowing full well that they really _hadn’t_ performed well enough for the silver badges pinned to their chests. Sure, it was their bad luck that they had to receive the most difficult song of the test, but they could have done more. Worked together more, practiced more, supported Ta-ki more...

_Heeseung should have done more._

Soon after, Director Son and Doobu left. Sunghoon almost instantly slumped against Heeseung’s shoulder, the tension leaving him all at once. The trainees all gathered around the Fake Love team, quietly offering their support until a sniffle interrupted them. Heeseung quickly turned to the noise, only to see Ta-ki to the side, eyes quickly tearing up.

Without the producers’ presence, Ta-ki had finally shed the mask of neutrality on his face, and when Hanbin reached over to hug him he began to sob. 

“Why are you crying?” Hanbin asked with a kind smile, allowing Ta-ki to move into his arms. “Don’t cry.”

Seeing the guilt on Ta-ki’s face, Heeseung felt a wave of empathy wash over him, and he carefully approached the crying boy.

“Come with me,” he found himself saying.

As he walked Ta-ki out of the practice room, he caught Sunghoon’s eye.

Once they left the room, Ta-ki’s shoulders began to shake under Heeseung’s arms.

“Why are you crying, Ta-ki?” Heeseung murmured as comfortingly as he could, putting an arm on his shoulder. “Why, why? Come here.”

“Ah...really,” Ta-ki mumbled with a sniffle.

Heeseung heard a noise behind him and turned slightly to see Sunoo, Jake, Daniel, and Sunghoon peering concernedly into the room. With a subtle wave of his hand, he shooed them off. _No worries. I’ll take care of him._

Standing at the back, Sunghoon sent him an almost imperceptible nod. _I trust you._

“I’m so sorry to my teammates,” Ta-ki cried.

“Hey, hey,” Heeseung consoled, reaching out to Ta-ki. “You don’t have to feel sorry. This is your first time. You can do it.”

Ta-ki nodded but looked sad and drained.

Heeseung bit his lip before hesitantly asking another question. “Are you tired of it?”

Just as he suspected, Ta-ki tearfully nodded.

_Ah… I knew it was too much for him._

Heeseung backed away, leading Ta-ki to the bench. “Sit, sit.”

Ta-ki sat down, wiping his eyes, and the two of them sat in silence for a moment as Heeseung collected his thoughts.

“Why did you cry?” he finally asked again. “Have you been having a hard time?”

“I don’t know why, either,” Ta-ki admitted. 

Heeseung smiled sadly. “There must be something you’re thinking about.”

Ta-ki paused. “To be honest...being a leader,” he mumbled, “...I’m scared of it.”

“You’re scared?”

Ta-ki nodded, the admittance pulling a wave of fresh tears from his eyes.

“You keep thinking that you can’t do it, and this feels more burdensome to you, which is why it seems so scary,” Heeseung summarized. He knew from experience. He had gone through the same thing.

And he was so lucky that he had friends who told him what he needed to hear.

“It’s okay. Nobody’s blaming you. You’re the leader.”

Ta-ki looked up at him, eyes shiny and cheeks wet, and Heeseung was once again reminded of just how _young_ some of the trainees were, how difficult I-Land must be for them.

“I’m by your side, Ta-ki.”

-

The Fake Love team gathered in the Purple Room later that night. Originally, Heeseung had intended to use the time to debrief their feedback from earlier, but upon seeing Ta-ki’s fragile emotional state, he decided to switch to a group bonding session.

“How did we all get here?” he asked.

Sunoo, bless him, was happy to narrate his journey to becoming a trainee, having only just started training about a year ago. Heeseung was surprised; the boy had enough raw talent to perform at the same level as many of the more experienced trainees.

They went around in a circle. Sunghoon spoke about his time balancing figure skating and training, and Ta-ki opened up about his move to Korea and how he ended up meeting and befriending Ni-ki at Belift. Heeseung spoke briefly about his time training with Tomorrow X Together. It felt like eons ago since he was bickering with Beomgyu, training with Taehyun, competing with Yeonjun; the lingering disappointment from not having been chosen to debut with them no longer stung.

After Heeseung finished his story, Ta-ki began to yawn. The three older trainees took it as a sign to wrap up the conversation, urging the young boy to get ready for bed.

“We’ll wash up together, okay?” Sunoo said. “I’ll take you to your room.”

Ta-ki sleepily nodded, allowing Sunoo to take his hand and guide him outside.

Heeseung slumped against the bed frame before turning to Sunghoon. “I assume you want to know what Ta-ki and I talked about?”

Sunghoon smiled. “Well, I wasn’t going to ask, but I am curious.”

Heeseung relayed his conversation with Ta-ki to Sunghoon.

“Do you think I said the right thing?” he asked quietly.

Sunghoon reached out and squeezed his hand. “I think you did,” he replied with a soft smile. “He looks much better than before. I can see the difference already.”

Heeseung sighed with relief. “It’s all thanks to you guys.”

“Really? What did we do?”

Heeseung turned his hand over, allowing their fingers to intertwine. “Ta-ki needed reassurance as a leader, and I understand his position since I was in it before. But honestly, if you guys hadn’t come down that night during the first test, I wouldn’t know how to console him. I’m really grateful that you did that for me.”

Sunghoon moved their intertwined fingers towards himself, pressing a kiss against Heeseung’s knuckles. “And we’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can see it's a very friendship-heavy, character development-heavy chapter. it's been fun weaving together the threads I've started. let me know what you think

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me @ftaephoria on twitter!


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